Status Quo

Filed Under Money, Postpartum Depression, Thoughts | 10 Comments

I started off pretty irritated a few hours ago. It was just one of those days. We went to library story time (which was really fun) and then I found out I had a $5 fine from a book I forgot I had. I delivered some Avon and it was freezing cold out, so I left Bailey in the car as I ran up to people’s doors. So she wasn’t thrilled with me. I got home and she dumped out her entire case (yes, case) of ponytail rubberbands and mixed all the colors together. They had been nicely divided into compartments. Then she ate a few of them.

But the icing on the cake? My request to lower my deductible for our health insurance was denied. You have got to be freaking kidding me. Well, it was accepted if I want to pay $130 a month more, since I have now been labeled with a mental illness. Because I got treatment for postpartum depression. I don’t understand what is wrong with these insurance companies. Would they rather that I DIDN’T get treated and then had to be checked into a psych hospital? Oh also I found out that is the reason my premium went up when B was six months old. They just screw you from every direction. It makes me hesitant to ever go to the doctor for anything again, because then it’s a preexisting condition that they can hold against you. She told me after 12 months I can apply again. I told her to forget it, that I would just keep what I had and that they were jerks. Seriously. Mental illness? Can they really find anything and use it as an excuse? That is scary. Also I have to say that I have never had a doctor’s visit because of the postpartum depression, and I have never even taken a name brand medication for it.

So I got off the phone and cried and called Jonathon to complain. I really do think our country has healthcare issues. It is sad when a family at our income level has to struggle to pay for health insurance. I am not saying that we are wealthy by any means, but Jonathon has a decent, salaried job and benefits (although it’s too expensive to add B and I to his insurance) and we own a house in a nice-ish area. What do people who have less than us do? Oh and I also know some people who work the system- you know, they get Medicaid or whatever but yet they are stay at home moms. If you are too poor to get insurance, maybe you should get a part time job. But that is neither here nor there- just evidence that our system is flawed. It’s sad that when you do things the right way, you come in last.

Then through my tears and frustration, I realized something. We are so incredibly blessed. I know that sounds trite, but we have SO MUCH. I can look around me and our house is filled with things we love. Maybe we can’t afford a Wii for Christmas, but look at all the things we DO have. How many families would love to trade with us. (Please know that I am not saying this to brag, I do my clothes shopping at Kohls’ for goodness sakes). And I complain about our insurance deductible but it was worth every penny to have Bailey. She’s even paid off now! I say that half joking. Over the course of our lifetime, $2500 is so insignificant. Even if it seems huge now, our lives are about so much more than that.

I complain that we can’t get affordable insurance through Jonathon’s work. Thank God that he has a job. I am so NOT Pollyanna-ish and do not always look at the bright side, so for me to have revelations like this, well it’s a big deal. I am thankful that he has a job that is stable. he is not in an industry where they are cutting jobs or departments or losing clients. His work couldn’t really function without him, and he is the ONLY one who does what he does. Thank God for that. I am so glad that he didn’t listen to my nagging over the past few years and get a job in the corporate world. He could have made a little more and then lost his job with a company that went under. All those prayers of mine that he would find a new job? They didn’t go unanswered. God answered them by taking better care of us than we knew how to do. By keeping Jonathon where he is.

Just today I found out about a friend whose husband lost his job, and a single mom who lost her job. I wish that I could find jobs for them; I hate to see people hurting like that. But I am glad that I had a wake up call to notice all the blessings in my life. And to just be content with what I have now, instead of always wanting something more or better. Our insurance wasn’t ideal when we had Bailey, but it worked. If we get pregnant again and STILL have this insurance, it will work again. We don’t need more than what we have. We are blessed beyond measure.

***NOTE: I am not pregnant. I know if I don’t say that up front I will be getting questions. We DO NOT have any plans to get pregnant again soon. It might happen, but it’s not at the top of my list right now. We plan to have more children someday, and that is why I talk about maternity coverage.

Avon Happenings

Filed Under Avon, Being a Mom, This Rocks, Thoughts | 3 Comments

I think a while ago I might have posted that one of my customers was going to sign up to sell Avon. Which puts me into “leadership” if I want to be… which I do! Since that happened a few weeks ago, I now have four people signed up who are selling Avon. That’s exciting because it helps me to advance and eventually will help MY earnings too!

Last week our new division manager came in town. She came to my house with MY district manager for a meeting. Then after that, we went and had another meeting at a restaurant, so we ended up spending about four hours together. I felt like I got to know both of them a lot better and I am more comfortable asking my manager for help with different things. I also think she sees how hard I am working now… or at least I hope she does! I set a few new goals for myself, one of which I have ALMOST met and one of which I need to reach by February-ish.

I guess I am starting to see this as more of a career and not just a little side job. Not that it can be a full-time career right now (because I want to be a SAHM still and have my focus on Bailey) but I can develop it into a career for when the kids are in school. I like seeing potential in something since I struggle with feeling like “just a mom” some days. And I want Bailey to see me working hard toward something and making accomplishments, even if it is not in a 9 to 5 type job.

I Voted

Filed Under Thoughts | 1 Comment

My mom watched Bailey while I voted today. I was in line at 11:25 and walking back to my car at 12:00. The weather was beautiful, so even though I have a crappy, small voting place I got to enjoy the sunshine for a little bit while I stood outside.

I am so thankful that we have the right to vote. I am worried that “my” candidate won’t win, but I have to remember that God is ultimately in control and I do not need to put my hope in a human leader. I am just scared about the changes that may come to our country.

If you haven’t gone to vote today, GO DO IT. So many people don’t have that right or opportunity. Don’t waste it.

I don’t like to talk politics…

Filed Under Politics, Thoughts | 11 Comments

I know this blog isn’t usually political but I have some things I want to say. It’s my blog, feel free to agree or disagree, but please be respectful.

I watched the Republican National Convention last night with Jonathan. I have to say that I really, really like Sarah Palin. I thought it was a good idea when McCain nominated a woman. I don’t know a whole lot about him. I really should keep up with politics better. I used to be absolutely obsessive about presidential elections. I worked on an election committee a few years back. ANYWAY from what I have seen of McCain he seems a little stiff or stuffy or something. I thought a woman would soften his image and also appeal to more people. I didn’t know much about Palin other than that she was from Alaska.

Last night she rocked my socks. I thought she was intelligent and well spoken. She looked professional. She was witty and charming and I think she could appeal to just about everyone. Labor unions and small town residents? Covered. Women? Covered. Moms of special needs kids or hockey players or pregnant teenagers? Covered. White collar workers? Covered. She just seems so diverse and open minded and I respect her a lot already. I think she is bringing a lot to the table. I know she doesn’t have years and years of Washington experience but I thought her “community organizer” comment was witty and well deserved. There is a lot of talk about experience and job descriptions and how the candidates measure up. I don’t have all the information on that, I will be honest. But I like what I have heard so far from the Republican side.

She has a beautiful family. Her pregnant daughter Bristol has been talked about and trashed in the media. One of the Spears girls sent her a gift. She is under a magnifying glass and she stood up last night with her boyfriend and her family and looked confident and supportive. And I noticed she wore a really high-cut dress, I’m sure to make her look modest Her son is in the military and although I’ve never had anyone in my family in the military as far as I know, I respect him for that. Her little baby boy was just about the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. You know, except for Bailey, ha. The questions of whether she can be a good mother and be Vice President? Don’t a lot of women have successful careers and also have a great family life? And for the Obama camp to make that point is just ridiculous. Barack has young daughters, too. Is it not important for a dad to be involved as well? That can go both ways.

I’m not going to talk trash about Obama but I will say that despite his good looks and educated, well spoken professional appearance I DO NOT LIKE HIM AS A POTENTIAL PRESIDENT. You can be a good person and still not have values that I agree with. That’s all I am saying about that.

Palin just helped to affirm my love for the GOP.

Class Reunion

Filed Under Friends, Me, Thoughts | 4 Comments

Bailey JUST woke up in the next room but I want to get my thoughts out about this. In the meantime, I can hear her yelling Neener Neener Neener, which is her new favorite sound.

Anyway. My ten year high school class reunion was last weekend. At first I thought about going. I mean, high school was fine. All I really did was party and hang out with my friends and I did enough schoolwork to get by, but not enough to get in the way of my life… overall I have good memories… so anyway I was like, “Oooh a reunion! I’ll get to see all my old friends! They will all have babies and we can be mommy friends!” Then I started realizing this wasn’t so realistic. If ten years have passed and we haven’t talked, there is probably a reason.

I drifted apart from a lot of my high school friends while I was away at college. I got really involved with my sorority and life on campus and all that stuff. I was only three hours away but I only came home like twice a semester a lot of the time. I mean seriously, what 19-year-old wants to miss a weekend filled with barhopping and happy hours and take out food and sleeping late and hanging out at the gym, just to go sit at their parents house? Not me. I am bad about letting friendships fall apart. If I don’t talk to someone or see them regularly, I don’t really try to put effort into the friendship. I figure if it was worth staying friends, it wouldn’t take so much work.

Now that I am older, I see that most friendships do require work. A lot of them are “easy” as far as being friends, but hard as far as finding time to spend together. Now I am more mature about it and plan ahead and try to make those difficult “I know I haven’t seen you in nine months” type phone calls. (For example, I went out to lunch with Paige today, and literally I haven’t seen her since last Thanksgiving. But it was good catching up and I hope this time it’s not so long in between.) Back then, I didn’t bother.

SO all this to say, I really have one friend from high school. Yeah, I know I talk about her a lot so I am not even mentioning her name in this post. There was another girl who we weren’t really good friends with in high school but became friends with later… then once again became not-friends… Then there’s another girl who I see at stuff like baby showers and she’s fun to talk to for like an hour, but after that time there’s really nothing left to say for either of us and we both go our own ways again. Then there is one girl who I just recently got in touch with again and we are tentatively making plans to get together.

None of these girls wanted to go to the reunion, so I decided I didn’t really want to go by myself. I didn’t want to try to figure out who to talk to, only to find out that we had nothing in common. As far as curiosity- well I catch up with most of them on Facebook and we message two or three times and that is all taken care of. I’ve seen pictures of their boyfriend or kids, we’ve talked about careers… or my lack of career… i have gained weight since high school (although judging by the reunion pictures, oh Lord, some people have REALLY gained weight even in the last year or so! HELLO Leptovox…) and I try to dress somewhat cute but really I’m not into fashion all that much now… I wasn’t up for the competition or the dress up game at the reunion. My husband didn’t know anyone who would be there and it would be boring for him. So we never registered. At a few moments I thought “maybe I should…” but knew I didn’t really want to.

This week, I saw pictures on Facebook. Some people look the same. Some people look great. Others look like a fat, sloppy, tired, or trashy version of their former self. There was a weird guy in the background who kept flicking off the camera. Looking at these people, I felt a few fond memories. I saw girls I used to be close to, who I haven’t talked to in like eight years. It made me smile, seeing their faces. And at that moment, I realized that was all I wanted. Just a few memories. I have those. I didn’t feel a connection to those girls. I could have chatted for an evening, gone my own way, and not looked back. Just like I didn’t look back ten years ago when I moved away to school. I guess that’s just me. So I saved $100 or so, and didn’t bore Jonathon for an evening. And I got to show Jonathon the pictures and comment and laugh and smile and tell stories, which is all I would have done that evening.

I hope that I have stronger friendships now, that I wouldn’t just turn away and not care. I think adult friendships ARE stronger, because they require more work. You get deeper than just surface, boy, school, party talk. More than “the three b’s of a good party.” I had a few friends who were more than that but most were just that. I hope my friends now would keep me accountable and try to stay in touch with me, but you never know.

If you made it this far, I am impressed. I know this was rambly but I wanted to get these thoughts down. Now, I am going to get my kid. She is in her crib, “spelling” her name. There are letters above her bed and she points to them and says “E, I, A, E, A…” because I always spell her name out for her when we look at the letters.

Word Scramble

Filed Under Blogging, Thoughts | 1 Comment

Do you ever read the spam blocking word verification letters for blog commenting and make words out of them? I mean not intentionally but just as you read them? I do. I just commented on a friend’s blog and it was something like SXCREU and I thought to myself, “Screw. Heh.” Sometimes they make me laugh, like if it says something like SKWIDGIT or FUBLERU. Yes, that’s what goes on in my head.

Obsessed

Filed Under Being a Mom, Thoughts, Travel | 4 Comments

I need help. Someone please force me to stop looking at vacation packages online. Tonight I almost booked the three of us a lovely trip to Disney World this fall. Until Jonathon reminded me that Bailey couldn’t go on any rides, and one of us would be stuck holding her on a bench while the other did the rides. Yeah, that sucks. So then I fantasized about leaving Bailey behind with my parents as Jonathon and I took a five or so night trip to somewhere sunny.

Problem is, mid summer is not ideal for Mexico. Fall is even worse. And Caribbean in the fall? Forget it. I think we might just look ahead and book something for LATE fall, later on. If we could leave, you know, on Friday we could get an amazing deal. I’m ready to pack us up and go. I wonder if Jonathon could abandon his job at short notice. If not, I could go alone. Right? Right? Tell me I’m not crazy to want to pack my bags and go to Mexico alone. Who would I hang out with? The fat hairy guy at the swim up bar? It’s not like I can chat up the bartender, he won’t speak much English.

Yeah, I might need a companion. That sucks. Anyone want to go on a last minute vacation with me? Or have me come visit you in another city? Or meet me somewhere in another city for a weekend? I think I just need out of here, I need a break from mamamamamamama all the time. Did I mention Bailey bit my toe today? Really hard. And she has decided not to listen to me, at all. We need a little break from each other. I love her, but I will love her more after I don’t see her for a few days. Absence making the heart grow fonder, and all that.

Friendship

Filed Under Friends, Thoughts | 7 Comments

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my friendships. They have changed a lot over the years. All through preschool/elementary school I had the same best friend, a girl who lived across the street from me. Then her family moved about a half hour away. We see each other and keep in touch- in fact she threw a baby shower for me- but in junior high a half hour is enough to make or break a friendship.

In high school, I had a best friend and we were pretty crazy. We were also pretty stupid, but that’s a story for another day. Or maybe a story better left untold. When I went away to college, I continued to be stupid, but without this girl as my constant sidekick. I made a lot of new friends, joined a sorority, and stayed busy busy busy all the time. I had a few best friends, one of whom lives in St. Louis now and I see every few months. Since college and being back in St. Louis, I made a new really good friend… only she is single so that makes it kind of difficult sometimes because I feel like my life is so centered around my hubby and baby now. She was my maid of honor in my wedding, and she’s one of those people that when we see each other, we pick up right where we left off.

I have basically lost touch with most of my high school friends. I had one long-standing friendship where the girl kind of got nutty on me. Recently I have “rediscovered” some of my old friends on Facebook or Myspace. And I am kind of to the point where I don’t really have a “best friend” anymore, which is something I miss. I have good friends like Jen and Sarah (who was my high school BFF) who I will always love spending time with. Sometimes we are closer than others. But life is complicated now. things get in the way, we are busy, we have families and husbands and houses. This week I got to see Sarah three different times and it was like a record. It also makes me realize that even though we are no longer the girls we were in high school (thank God) we can have a new mommy friendship.

Jonathon is really my closest friend, who knows the most about me. I know he will always be there for me. We have a great time together, and heck we have a kid together. But we don’t always want to talk about the same things, and he’s a boy, which means he really doesn’t care about makeup or cramps or mommy playdates or fights with in-laws. I don’t know what the point of this post was. I am just trying to think through some things and reevaluate my friendships. I prefer to have a few close friends, than lots of shallow friendships. I have always kind of been that way.

Mixed Emotions About Upcoming 11 Month Post

Filed Under Being a Mom, Ten Months, Thoughts | 6 Comments

I am mentally preparing myself for writing her eleven month post tomorrow… and slightly freaking out that it’s her last monthly post before she is a whole YEAR old! So bittersweet. She is turning into such an amazing little person, but she’s just growing way too fast. Sometimes I like to dress her “babyish” because she’s still my little baby, but other times I want her to be a big girl and look… I don’t know, not like a baby. I am torn.

Here she is on one of those days. Dressed so grown up that she breaks my heart. I mean, my kid cannot possibly be big enough to wear jeans and a t-shirt. But she is. And she looks good. A little too grown up, but good.

Some good, some bad

Filed Under Being a Mom, Friends, Grandparents, Thoughts, classes | 2 Comments

Today Jonathon didn’t want to get up for church so I took Bailey and let him stay home, since I had to work in the nursery first hour anyway. While I was gone, he cleaned, vacuumed, and… rearranged our bedroom. Some of you know that he has a history of doing random things like this. Sometimes, it’s really annoying. However I actually LIKE what he did with our room. He also let me rest for a while this afternoon since he had the morning “off.”

I am realizing that we have a very high maintenance kid. Not like her attitude, but just her energy level. She always has to be doing something. She’s been like this since she was tiny. She has a good attention span, she just needs to be occupied or she gets herself into trouble. Take yesterday- we had to move the old entertainment center so we closed her in her bedroom door for about five minutes. In that time she emptied her toy box, book box, and every drawer and cabinet in her dresser. She loves to make messes. She goes, at top speed, all day long. I think this is why it’s so exhausting to take care of her.

Tonight we met with our small group. I’m not sure what’s going to happen with that… my feelings were kind of hurt tonight and I don’t want to get into it here, but it might be time for us to find a new group or not be in a group at all. At this point, either of those options would be fine with me. But we have a while to think about it. My parents watched Bailey and she did great. They used to always want her to come to their house, but they are starting to realize it’s easier to watch her here, where they have everything she could possibly need. I understand on nights when we’re out late, they like to be at their house so they can go to bed or work on the computer or whatever… but for early nights, it’s nice for us not to have to take her home and put her to bed all over again. Because, once she wakes up she thinks it’s party time and we have to re-do her bedtime routine. Also I have discovered that it will be easier to lure them over here now that we have our new tv

Tomorrow, I am looking forward to getting together with my friend Sarah and her little boy Andrew for a playdate. It’s been a few weeks since we’ve hung out together and now that Bailey is better, I am excited for her to get to play with a friend again. And, I am even more excited to get to hang out with Sarah :)  Also, tomorrow evening Bailey has a music class that Jonathon gets to go to with us! He hasn’t been to any classes with us that I can think of, so this should be fun. he will get to see what a wild woman she is in a room full of other babies! She is always the busiest, noisiest one who won’t stay by their mom. It will be interesting for him to see her in that situation.

Anyway, I’m going to bed. To catch my 7 hours. I need to be getting more sleep I think, but my only “me time” is after Bailey goes to bed.

9 Months Old

Filed Under Being a Mom, Milestones, Nine Months, Talking, Thoughts | 10 Comments

My darling girl, where have these nine months gone? There are so many memories forever engraved on my mind, but it has just flown by way too fast. That’s why today, I held you a little longer. I didn’t rush to put you in bed and get something done. I feel like my time of holding you while you sleep is already limited.

I know it hasn’t all been easy (nap battles, stomach flu, non-stop nursing…) but I can honestly say that being your mother has been the best thing I have ever done.

You are doing so much now. Within the past month, you started clapping (first silently, with closed fists, but now you make the cutest little slap-slap sound). You started waving right after Christmas. You are standing and cruising along everything: The couch, entertainment center, your activity table… You like to let go and try to balance on your own for a few seconds but you fall on your bottom pretty fast.

You get into everything now. Just this morning, you were in the living room playing and I realized you were too quiet. I came in and found you with an index card. There were itty bitty pieces of it stuck on your chin, on your hands, and all over your jammies. You reached in your mouth and pulled out a piece, then stretched out your arm to hand it to me and share. I love your thoughtfulness. You also like to share your toys (for now!) and food, whether it’s been in your mouth already or not.

Did you know that we officially reached another breastfeeding milestone? When you were biting and having a hard time staying focused, I promised myself I wouldn’t give up before nine months. And we worked through it together. Now when I nurse you in the morning, you lay next to me in bed all stretched out. Your toes poke into my thighs now. You’ve gotten so long. Occasionally you look over to check for Daddy. If he’s already up getting ready for work, you will settle back down and snuggle longer. But if Daddy is in bed, forget it. You’re ready to play, and he’s much more fun than Mommy!

You are “talking” more and more. You consistently say Dada (although not directed at Daddy), ba ba, ga ga, and your newest is VUV! Vuv is always said with enthusiasm. Just today you heard a dog barking outside and said, “Woof.” It was so clear. I guess that’s your first word. You are in love with dogs, and chase Koby and Tiny (grandparents and great-grandparents’ dogs) whenever we visit. You also love pictures of dogs, and any stuffed animals.

I think those are the highlights of the new things you have been doing, although I feel like I am cheating you to just sum up a whole month in one post. I hope you always know how much I love you. If I could have one wish, it would be that you would know without a doubt how deep, complete, and forever my love is for you.

Love, Mommy

Our nine month photo shoot… complete with carrots in her nose

Little Purple

Filed Under My Childhood, Thoughts | 2 Comments

I don’t know if I have ever griped about my car to you guys or not. I really don’t like it at all, but I feel guilty disliking it. Let me give you a brief history of the car. It was given to me my senior year in high school by my parents (new, in 1997, although the car is a 98). It is a purple cavalier. At the time, I thought purple was the best color EVER for a car. They paid for the car and my insurance. It was supposed to be my graduation present, but I wrecked my first car and needed something sooner. So the Cavalier (affectionately called The Crapalier) entered my life.

We have seen some crazy things together. My high school BFF and I drove that car to parties, on crazy road trips, and it was with us through quite a few Carman Road and Schnucks parking lot incidents. Then I went away to college, and not everyone was lucky enough to have a car their freshman year. It provided a lot of transportation throughout the next four and a half years. I was the DD once in a while and gave people safe rides home. I stupidly drove when I shouldn’t have in that car. It took me to sorority meetings, internships, and my jobs. I had the car when I met Jonathon. When we first met, his car was a piece of crap so we drove mine a lot of the time. One morning when we first started dating, he drove over to my apartment before work to scrape snow off my car for me.

Anyway, as much as I dislike driving a purple car now (did I mention it’s dented and the windshield is chipped?) I will probably be sad to see it go. It hasn’t had any real problems yet, so I can’t justify getting a new one and making payments at this point. It’s really not worth much money, though, so I will most likely just do a car donation when I finally replace it. Jonathon did something similar with his old car and it was really easy. It saves the trouble of trying to sell it and he got a tax deduction for it. This one website I found, Car Angel,(www.carangel.com) is a non-profit company that uses car and other donations to make Christian videos for kids and teens.

I am kind of sappy about getting rid of my old stuff. I would rather think of it going on to bring someone else happiness. Yeah, I am lame. But then… I get to think about what kind of car I will get next. What I would like, is a pretty silver Lexus SUV. What is more realistic, is something like a Pontiac Vibe or a Honda CRV

This part of my life is over, maybe

Filed Under Pregnancy, Thoughts, Travel | 1 Comment

Sometimes I get sappy about things that were supposed to happen or could have happened before, but now that we have Bailey they won’t happen. Like I always thought we would take a trip to Europe before we had kids. We got pregnant much faster than I expected (and if you really care, YES we were trying but we thought it would take longer than it did for a variety of reasons). I LOVE LOVE LOVE to travel, and I want to travel more. Last fall we had a trip planned for Las Vegas. I mean it was actually booked and everything, for this same weekend last year. I was in my first trimester of my pregnancy in September, and I was exhausted. I could not fathom going on a vacation or being in casinos near smoke. I knew I would not be able to have anything to drink- okay not that I’m a drunk, but seriously, what’s Vegas without a few drinks here and there? Anyway we ended up cancelling our trip and we were only out $100… but sometimes I regret that. I wish we would have had the extra cash to take a nice vacation when I was like five months along. I wish we had the cash now. I would take Bailey with us and then pay a nanny to watch her so we could go out at night sometimes or relax by the pool Yeah, dream on. I just don’t want to think that part of my life is completely over. I guess it’s just “put on hold” for a while, really. Anyway, it’s too late and I’m rambling.

Rejoining the work force

Filed Under Being a Mom, Future, Thoughts | 2 Comments

Sometimes I think about it. Daydream about it- you know, like the grass is always greener on the other side. The other day, I was sitting at a table with my friend Jen, and she was talking to someone about masters programs and their jobs/career field. Sometimes I want that. I don’t want to leave my baby, but I feel like I am ONLY a wife and a mom sometimes. That should be enough, and most days it is. It’s just nice to know that sometime in the future, there will be an identity outside of that again. I will most likely go back to work once the kids are all in school. I would like to either finish my masters program (Speech Comm) or get a different degree. One that keeps entering my mind is social work, because that would open a lot more doors to the type of non-profit work I want to do. My current degree is in Public Relations. I’m sure by that point I will have to learn new human resources software and all kinds of other stuff. I might even finally have to start using Raiser’s Edge!

This probably sounds dorky but I have always somewhat enjoyed school/classes and it came fairly easily to me- so I wouldn’t mind going back again. Someday waaaaay down the road

Um yeah… of course things are different

Filed Under Breastfeeding, Complaining, Daddy, Thoughts | 1 Comment

My dad is getting ready to go to Arizona for golf school. He has done this a few times before- golf is kind of his obsession. He goes by himself. You know, so he can focus on the golf. We have joked to him in the past that he should invest in some Arizona real estate for when he retires. My mom used to tell him that since he stayed in STL with her for so long, that they could go wherever they wanted to when he retired. Now with Bailey here, not so much.

Funny how babies change everything, even when you swear they won’t. I was crying the other night because I missed how my life used to be without Bailey- like sleeping late and leaving home at the spur of the moment, or making cards and not being interrupted by someone needing attention. Don’t get me wrong, I love her so much and wouldn’t trade this for anything, but sometimes I just want a break.

My dream would be for Jonathon to say, “Honey, why don’t you take a break one night this week and let me watch Bailey.” I mean, he’ll let me have a break IF I ASK or make plans and tell him he’s watching her. But it would be nice for him to offer.

Today at my nursing group, we were all talking about this. I know moms in general don’t get much of a break, but I think especially if you are breastfeeding- even if you’re away, you have to worry about the baby having bottles, or making sure you can pump or won’t leak… and lately we have the issue of Bailey being mad if she can’t nurse before bed, so now Jonathon hates putting her to sleep. Ug

This has gotten really rambly and complainy so I’m stopping. I don’t even know what I was trying to say, except that I was thinking about how much things have changed. Duhhhh