Contentment

Filed Under Being a Mom, Thoughts, Two and a half years old | 3 Comments

I have been thinking a lot about being happy with the way things are- instead of looking forward to or worrying about the next step. Things may be easier when Bailey is in underwear, but things are so fast right now. It might be nice when she can put her own socks on, but for now I get to hold her in my lap while I help. We might be looking forward to having a new baby, but these are the last few weeks when I can enjoy being the mom of one little girl. I love her to pieces.

Last night I went in her room after she was asleep (I do this probably once or twice a week) and picked her up out of her bed. This time, I had to take her into the baby’s room to sit in the glider, since it has been replaced by a beanbag chair in her “big girl room.” Already the little signs of her growing up… as I sat there and held her and smelled her hair, I was thinking about how not too long ago she fit curled up against my chest. Now she is so long, and her feet hang down off my lap. Her long hair was tickling the back of my neck, instead of just the baby fuzz I used to rub my face in. Her eyelids are still almost transparent, but I’m sure one day I will blink and she’ll be ready to put eyeshadow on. Her face is so calm when she sleeps. I sat there listening to her breathe and thanking God for her. And I just let myself enjoy that moment, instead of wondering what would be next.

Friendships

Filed Under Being a Mom, Friends, Me, Second Pregnancy, Thoughts | 6 Comments

I have been thinking a lot about my friendships and my friends lately. A lot has changed since getting married, and then again since having a child, and again since expecting a second child. “Mom” friendships are definitely not the same as single girl friendships with endless time. Also, it was hard to adjust to relating to my non-mom friends. Do they want to hang out with my child? Do they understand that I don’t have as much time? Do they think I’m old and boring now?

I feel like I have finally settled into a good place with a lot of my friendships. Sure, I wish I had more time. I wish I had that one really close friend. (If you didn’t know, my closest friend since college graduation recently moved to another state and our contact is much much less than I would like… but I will be standing up in her wedding in several weeks and hopefully once that busy-ness is behind us we can work on carving out a new track for our friendship). I have been making an effort to catch up with the people I care about most and honestly have let some other relationships slide. It was time to do that. I don’t have time for everything, as much as I wish I did. And in two months, I will have a new breastfeeding baby who needs mommy time much more than my feisty and independent almost-three-year-old does. Or at least on a different level. On an Oh My God I Can’t Leave This Child level.

This week has been so busy/will be so busy on the social front, but I am really filling an important part of my life right now. I feel like I need to connect with these ladies before we drift too far apart. And apparently I feel the need to ramble about it on my blog.

In the past week or so I have gotten to spend some quality time with Jen and Renee. Yesterday Emily and Ella came over to play. They really reassure me that I will survive with two children and that I will, in fact, love my second child just as much as Bailey. Today we had a playdate with Kim and Mackenzie. Where Bailey was not exactly on her best behavior… sorry Kim… On Friday we are getting together with Casey and Addison, which I am really looking forward to. It has been way too long since we’ve hung out. We used to see each other at least once a week and that’s a friendship I regret letting slide as much as it has. Then over the weekend we get to have dinner with Sarah and her hubby and cute little girl Claire. These people are all so important to me and I am glad that I am taking the time and energy to be with them. It’s also way too easy to be a lazy pregnant woman, not make plans, and sit home and feel lonely and bored. I need to stay out of that funk because I will have plenty of time at home after the baby is born!

I am so thankful

Filed Under Posing for Pictures, Thoughts, Two and a half years old | 2 Comments

for this girl.

Online Degrees Like Crazy

Filed Under Future, Thoughts | 1 Comment

I didn’t realize how many people actually forgo the traditional college experience and get an online degree! It seems like I keep meeting more people who have done this or are working on it right now. Several people in my Avon downline have gotten degrees online from different schools like Western Governors University.

I know it is a lot less expensive and offers more flexibility so it is appealing to the “non-traditional” type students and those with children or full-time jobs. I just always wonder if employers look at that kind of degree with the same respect as one earned at a traditional university. Or do they just see that the job candidate has a degree in a related field and not research where it’s from? Or are the online degree programs more well respected than I realize? I have to admit the idea is kind of appealing to me.

I’m not sure if I will ever go back to school (my degree is in public relations and marketing) but time constraints/family time would be one of the main reasons that I wouldn’t go back. So this seems like a good alternative for those situations. Jonathon’s degree is in MIS (management info systems) but he has also met some people who have gotten an online IT degree.

Patrick Swayze

Filed Under Celebrities, Movies, My Childhood, Thoughts | 3 Comments

I can’t believe that he just died… I mean, I believe it. He had cancer. But he just seemed too strong and handsome to die. Does that make sense? Many other stars have died and it hasn’t really hit me. But Patrick was my first movie star crush. I can recite probably every line to Dirty Dancing; it’s one of my favorites. I always have admired his talent and I love to watch him dance. When I was in about third grade my friend and I used to talk about how we wanted to be “Baby” (Jennifer Gray) so that we could dance with him. I remember buying Ghost when it came out on VHS too. I also admire him because he didn’t seem to fall into the Hollywood lifestyle of adultery, drugs, etc. He was with his wife for 37 years, and he stayed true to her and fought against his cancer until the very end. I just didn’t want the end to be already. It won’t be the same watching those movies now and knowing that he isn’t alive.

So many of us will miss you, Johnny Castle.

Bailey’s OT

Filed Under Gymnastics, O.T., Thoughts, Two Years Old | 4 Comments

I can’t believe it’s been so long since I’ve written a real post. I have to admit, I miss it. I really do. I have been emotional lately anyway- I can’t believe how big my sweet little girl has gotten. Today was her last occupational therapy appointment. She is eating, and we are continuing to work on her vestibular “issues” if you want to call it that. Her therapist is so proud of the progress she has made. I have to admit that as much as I hated taking her there, I was sad for it to be over. It’s hard to say goodbye to someone who has helped your child so much. They really become important in your life. We’ve seen her twice a week for basically four months now. She has gone to summer camp in their office. We’ve had tears and triumphs and lots of lollipops. We’re done.

I promised myself (and Bailey) that when she finished we could start gymnastics. We went to her first class last week and she loved it. She is doing flips around the bars and walking on the balance beam (with the teacher’s help, of course). My girl is fearless and if I don’t keep up with her she’ll just try it without me or without her teacher. Yesterday she started trying to do summersaults off the edge of the couch. We also had to pack up her high chair because she was pulling it over to the couch and jumping off the couch, trying to grab the back of the chair and swing. She makes me nervous.

A friend and I were talking yesterday about our daughters’ personalities. Hers is more hesitant and cautious. Mine plunges headfirst into just about anything. I hope that serves her well in life but that she doesn’t get hurt too much along the way.

And because I haven’t shared any pictures in a while…

And playing dress-up with Mommy’s glasses and the Silly Hat-

Online Education

Filed Under Random, Thoughts | Leave a Comment

I have met more and more people recently who are doing online degrees. Back when I was in college (okay like it was 100 years ago or something- but I was a freshman in 1998 so it wasn’t exactly yesterday!) it was rare to do a whole lot online for school. About the most our college did was offer a few online classes. Mainly things like health and library skills so that you could get them out of the way over the summer. I took one online class and just had to go in to take a final. I got 100% in the class- it was almost kind of ridiculous.

I know things have come a long way. You can get an entire bachelor’s or master’s degree online now! St. Xavier University offers an Online Master of Arts in Curriculum and Instruction (MS Instruction). In fact, I just signed up a girl to sell Avon who is doing this program. I asked her all kinds of questions about it because I’ve never known anyone who has gotten their entire degree online.

And according to their website, “This innovative Curriculum and Instruction online program provides experienced practitioners with a broad understanding of curriculum development and an in-depth examination of new instructional techniques through the exploration of topics in literacy, diversity, integration of technology, and an interdisciplinary perspective in education.” St. Xavier’s program is accredited by the National Council for Accreditation of Teacher Education (NCATE).

I am thinking that if I ever decide to go back to school for a different degree (which I sometimes daydream about doing) I might start looking more seriously into online options. I would be curious to hear from others who have done something like this.

Second Child Syndrome

Filed Under Blogging, Second Pregnancy, Thoughts | 5 Comments

So recently, all these people I know are pregnant with their second (or third) child:

Kelli
Jenny
My friend Eileen (not a blogger)
Carrie
Amber
Tami (actually she just had her baby)
Beautifully Unique
Lauren
Kasey (it’s actually her first but since we are talking about all these pregnant people…)

That’s a lot of pregnant ladies. Am I jealous? Kind of. But not in a mean way. More like in an Oh my gosh, I think I want to be where they are now kind of way. Most of these people have kids right around Bailey’s age. A few of them, we started reading each others blogs during our pregnancies. They are ahead of me this time. I know it’s not a race. But I finally, finally feel like I want to catch up.

(NO, I AM NOT PREGNANT)

Status Quo

Filed Under Money, Postpartum Depression, Thoughts | 10 Comments

I started off pretty irritated a few hours ago. It was just one of those days. We went to library story time (which was really fun) and then I found out I had a $5 fine from a book I forgot I had. I delivered some Avon and it was freezing cold out, so I left Bailey in the car as I ran up to people’s doors. So she wasn’t thrilled with me. I got home and she dumped out her entire case (yes, case) of ponytail rubberbands and mixed all the colors together. They had been nicely divided into compartments. Then she ate a few of them.

But the icing on the cake? My request to lower my deductible for our health insurance was denied. You have got to be freaking kidding me. Well, it was accepted if I want to pay $130 a month more, since I have now been labeled with a mental illness. Because I got treatment for postpartum depression. I don’t understand what is wrong with these insurance companies. Would they rather that I DIDN’T get treated and then had to be checked into a psych hospital? Oh also I found out that is the reason my premium went up when B was six months old. They just screw you from every direction. It makes me hesitant to ever go to the doctor for anything again, because then it’s a preexisting condition that they can hold against you. She told me after 12 months I can apply again. I told her to forget it, that I would just keep what I had and that they were jerks. Seriously. Mental illness? Can they really find anything and use it as an excuse? That is scary. Also I have to say that I have never had a doctor’s visit because of the postpartum depression, and I have never even taken a name brand medication for it.

So I got off the phone and cried and called Jonathon to complain. I really do think our country has healthcare issues. It is sad when a family at our income level has to struggle to pay for health insurance. I am not saying that we are wealthy by any means, but Jonathon has a decent, salaried job and benefits (although it’s too expensive to add B and I to his insurance) and we own a house in a nice-ish area. What do people who have less than us do? Oh and I also know some people who work the system- you know, they get Medicaid or whatever but yet they are stay at home moms. If you are too poor to get insurance, maybe you should get a part time job. But that is neither here nor there- just evidence that our system is flawed. It’s sad that when you do things the right way, you come in last.

Then through my tears and frustration, I realized something. We are so incredibly blessed. I know that sounds trite, but we have SO MUCH. I can look around me and our house is filled with things we love. Maybe we can’t afford a Wii for Christmas, but look at all the things we DO have. How many families would love to trade with us. (Please know that I am not saying this to brag, I do my clothes shopping at Kohls’ for goodness sakes). And I complain about our insurance deductible but it was worth every penny to have Bailey. She’s even paid off now! I say that half joking. Over the course of our lifetime, $2500 is so insignificant. Even if it seems huge now, our lives are about so much more than that.

I complain that we can’t get affordable insurance through Jonathon’s work. Thank God that he has a job. I am so NOT Pollyanna-ish and do not always look at the bright side, so for me to have revelations like this, well it’s a big deal. I am thankful that he has a job that is stable. he is not in an industry where they are cutting jobs or departments or losing clients. His work couldn’t really function without him, and he is the ONLY one who does what he does. Thank God for that. I am so glad that he didn’t listen to my nagging over the past few years and get a job in the corporate world. He could have made a little more and then lost his job with a company that went under. All those prayers of mine that he would find a new job? They didn’t go unanswered. God answered them by taking better care of us than we knew how to do. By keeping Jonathon where he is.

Just today I found out about a friend whose husband lost his job, and a single mom who lost her job. I wish that I could find jobs for them; I hate to see people hurting like that. But I am glad that I had a wake up call to notice all the blessings in my life. And to just be content with what I have now, instead of always wanting something more or better. Our insurance wasn’t ideal when we had Bailey, but it worked. If we get pregnant again and STILL have this insurance, it will work again. We don’t need more than what we have. We are blessed beyond measure.

***NOTE: I am not pregnant. I know if I don’t say that up front I will be getting questions. We DO NOT have any plans to get pregnant again soon. It might happen, but it’s not at the top of my list right now. We plan to have more children someday, and that is why I talk about maternity coverage.

Avon Happenings

Filed Under Avon, Being a Mom, This Rocks, Thoughts | 3 Comments

I think a while ago I might have posted that one of my customers was going to sign up to sell Avon. Which puts me into “leadership” if I want to be… which I do! Since that happened a few weeks ago, I now have four people signed up who are selling Avon. That’s exciting because it helps me to advance and eventually will help MY earnings too!

Last week our new division manager came in town. She came to my house with MY district manager for a meeting. Then after that, we went and had another meeting at a restaurant, so we ended up spending about four hours together. I felt like I got to know both of them a lot better and I am more comfortable asking my manager for help with different things. I also think she sees how hard I am working now… or at least I hope she does! I set a few new goals for myself, one of which I have ALMOST met and one of which I need to reach by February-ish.

I guess I am starting to see this as more of a career and not just a little side job. Not that it can be a full-time career right now (because I want to be a SAHM still and have my focus on Bailey) but I can develop it into a career for when the kids are in school. I like seeing potential in something since I struggle with feeling like “just a mom” some days. And I want Bailey to see me working hard toward something and making accomplishments, even if it is not in a 9 to 5 type job.

I Voted

Filed Under Thoughts | 1 Comment

My mom watched Bailey while I voted today. I was in line at 11:25 and walking back to my car at 12:00. The weather was beautiful, so even though I have a crappy, small voting place I got to enjoy the sunshine for a little bit while I stood outside.

I am so thankful that we have the right to vote. I am worried that “my” candidate won’t win, but I have to remember that God is ultimately in control and I do not need to put my hope in a human leader. I am just scared about the changes that may come to our country.

If you haven’t gone to vote today, GO DO IT. So many people don’t have that right or opportunity. Don’t waste it.

I don’t like to talk politics…

Filed Under Politics, Thoughts | 11 Comments

I know this blog isn’t usually political but I have some things I want to say. It’s my blog, feel free to agree or disagree, but please be respectful.

I watched the Republican National Convention last night with Jonathan. I have to say that I really, really like Sarah Palin. I thought it was a good idea when McCain nominated a woman. I don’t know a whole lot about him. I really should keep up with politics better. I used to be absolutely obsessive about presidential elections. I worked on an election committee a few years back. ANYWAY from what I have seen of McCain he seems a little stiff or stuffy or something. I thought a woman would soften his image and also appeal to more people. I didn’t know much about Palin other than that she was from Alaska.

Last night she rocked my socks. I thought she was intelligent and well spoken. She looked professional. She was witty and charming and I think she could appeal to just about everyone. Labor unions and small town residents? Covered. Women? Covered. Moms of special needs kids or hockey players or pregnant teenagers? Covered. White collar workers? Covered. She just seems so diverse and open minded and I respect her a lot already. I think she is bringing a lot to the table. I know she doesn’t have years and years of Washington experience but I thought her “community organizer” comment was witty and well deserved. There is a lot of talk about experience and job descriptions and how the candidates measure up. I don’t have all the information on that, I will be honest. But I like what I have heard so far from the Republican side.

She has a beautiful family. Her pregnant daughter Bristol has been talked about and trashed in the media. One of the Spears girls sent her a gift. She is under a magnifying glass and she stood up last night with her boyfriend and her family and looked confident and supportive. And I noticed she wore a really high-cut dress, I’m sure to make her look modest Her son is in the military and although I’ve never had anyone in my family in the military as far as I know, I respect him for that. Her little baby boy was just about the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. You know, except for Bailey, ha. The questions of whether she can be a good mother and be Vice President? Don’t a lot of women have successful careers and also have a great family life? And for the Obama camp to make that point is just ridiculous. Barack has young daughters, too. Is it not important for a dad to be involved as well? That can go both ways.

I’m not going to talk trash about Obama but I will say that despite his good looks and educated, well spoken professional appearance I DO NOT LIKE HIM AS A POTENTIAL PRESIDENT. You can be a good person and still not have values that I agree with. That’s all I am saying about that.

Palin just helped to affirm my love for the GOP.

Class Reunion

Filed Under Friends, Me, Thoughts | 4 Comments

Bailey JUST woke up in the next room but I want to get my thoughts out about this. In the meantime, I can hear her yelling Neener Neener Neener, which is her new favorite sound.

Anyway. My ten year high school class reunion was last weekend. At first I thought about going. I mean, high school was fine. All I really did was party and hang out with my friends and I did enough schoolwork to get by, but not enough to get in the way of my life… overall I have good memories… so anyway I was like, “Oooh a reunion! I’ll get to see all my old friends! They will all have babies and we can be mommy friends!” Then I started realizing this wasn’t so realistic. If ten years have passed and we haven’t talked, there is probably a reason.

I drifted apart from a lot of my high school friends while I was away at college. I got really involved with my sorority and life on campus and all that stuff. I was only three hours away but I only came home like twice a semester a lot of the time. I mean seriously, what 19-year-old wants to miss a weekend filled with barhopping and happy hours and take out food and sleeping late and hanging out at the gym, just to go sit at their parents house? Not me. I am bad about letting friendships fall apart. If I don’t talk to someone or see them regularly, I don’t really try to put effort into the friendship. I figure if it was worth staying friends, it wouldn’t take so much work.

Now that I am older, I see that most friendships do require work. A lot of them are “easy” as far as being friends, but hard as far as finding time to spend together. Now I am more mature about it and plan ahead and try to make those difficult “I know I haven’t seen you in nine months” type phone calls. (For example, I went out to lunch with Paige today, and literally I haven’t seen her since last Thanksgiving. But it was good catching up and I hope this time it’s not so long in between.) Back then, I didn’t bother.

SO all this to say, I really have one friend from high school. Yeah, I know I talk about her a lot so I am not even mentioning her name in this post. There was another girl who we weren’t really good friends with in high school but became friends with later… then once again became not-friends… Then there’s another girl who I see at stuff like baby showers and she’s fun to talk to for like an hour, but after that time there’s really nothing left to say for either of us and we both go our own ways again. Then there is one girl who I just recently got in touch with again and we are tentatively making plans to get together.

None of these girls wanted to go to the reunion, so I decided I didn’t really want to go by myself. I didn’t want to try to figure out who to talk to, only to find out that we had nothing in common. As far as curiosity- well I catch up with most of them on Facebook and we message two or three times and that is all taken care of. I’ve seen pictures of their boyfriend or kids, we’ve talked about careers… or my lack of career… i have gained weight since high school (although judging by the reunion pictures, oh Lord, some people have REALLY gained weight even in the last year or so! HELLO Leptovox…) and I try to dress somewhat cute but really I’m not into fashion all that much now… I wasn’t up for the competition or the dress up game at the reunion. My husband didn’t know anyone who would be there and it would be boring for him. So we never registered. At a few moments I thought “maybe I should…” but knew I didn’t really want to.

This week, I saw pictures on Facebook. Some people look the same. Some people look great. Others look like a fat, sloppy, tired, or trashy version of their former self. There was a weird guy in the background who kept flicking off the camera. Looking at these people, I felt a few fond memories. I saw girls I used to be close to, who I haven’t talked to in like eight years. It made me smile, seeing their faces. And at that moment, I realized that was all I wanted. Just a few memories. I have those. I didn’t feel a connection to those girls. I could have chatted for an evening, gone my own way, and not looked back. Just like I didn’t look back ten years ago when I moved away to school. I guess that’s just me. So I saved $100 or so, and didn’t bore Jonathon for an evening. And I got to show Jonathon the pictures and comment and laugh and smile and tell stories, which is all I would have done that evening.

I hope that I have stronger friendships now, that I wouldn’t just turn away and not care. I think adult friendships ARE stronger, because they require more work. You get deeper than just surface, boy, school, party talk. More than “the three b’s of a good party.” I had a few friends who were more than that but most were just that. I hope my friends now would keep me accountable and try to stay in touch with me, but you never know.

If you made it this far, I am impressed. I know this was rambly but I wanted to get these thoughts down. Now, I am going to get my kid. She is in her crib, “spelling” her name. There are letters above her bed and she points to them and says “E, I, A, E, A…” because I always spell her name out for her when we look at the letters.

Word Scramble

Filed Under Blogging, Thoughts | 1 Comment

Do you ever read the spam blocking word verification letters for blog commenting and make words out of them? I mean not intentionally but just as you read them? I do. I just commented on a friend’s blog and it was something like SXCREU and I thought to myself, “Screw. Heh.” Sometimes they make me laugh, like if it says something like SKWIDGIT or FUBLERU. Yes, that’s what goes on in my head.

Obsessed

Filed Under Being a Mom, Thoughts, Travel | 4 Comments

I need help. Someone please force me to stop looking at vacation packages online. Tonight I almost booked the three of us a lovely trip to Disney World this fall. Until Jonathon reminded me that Bailey couldn’t go on any rides, and one of us would be stuck holding her on a bench while the other did the rides. Yeah, that sucks. So then I fantasized about leaving Bailey behind with my parents as Jonathon and I took a five or so night trip to somewhere sunny.

Problem is, mid summer is not ideal for Mexico. Fall is even worse. And Caribbean in the fall? Forget it. I think we might just look ahead and book something for LATE fall, later on. If we could leave, you know, on Friday we could get an amazing deal. I’m ready to pack us up and go. I wonder if Jonathon could abandon his job at short notice. If not, I could go alone. Right? Right? Tell me I’m not crazy to want to pack my bags and go to Mexico alone. Who would I hang out with? The fat hairy guy at the swim up bar? It’s not like I can chat up the bartender, he won’t speak much English.

Yeah, I might need a companion. That sucks. Anyone want to go on a last minute vacation with me? Or have me come visit you in another city? Or meet me somewhere in another city for a weekend? I think I just need out of here, I need a break from mamamamamamama all the time. Did I mention Bailey bit my toe today? Really hard. And she has decided not to listen to me, at all. We need a little break from each other. I love her, but I will love her more after I don’t see her for a few days. Absence making the heart grow fonder, and all that.