Oh I love you more each day. I think you are the cutest baby boy in the entire world. Your hair is starting to come in thicker (and it’s getting a lot lighter- you might be a blondie after all!) I love to run my hands through your fuzz, and kiss your sweet little head. You still sleep with Mommy every night. I am no longer stressed out about when I will get you out of my bed. I am just accepting it and enjoying it at this point. You will be all grown up soon enough, and I will miss these days. I love the way you stretch out next to me and make your little piglet sounds while you eat. Sometimes you dig your toes into my thigh though and that’s not my favorite. Right now you are laying on the boppy eating and clutching your little hands together. It looks like you are praying.

Speaking of hands- you are getting better at using them. You still can’t transfer objects from one hand to the other, but you can pick up toys more easily and of course you pop them right in your mouth. We have to be so careful with all the little pieces to Bailey’s toys! You also just started rolling from back to front three days ago. Then you get stuck on your tummy and do the frantic “swimming” on the floor until someone rescues you. You still can’t figure out how to flip back over. You are starting to sit up though, if we lean you forward on your hands for balance. You also enjoy your exersaucer for a little longer now. We just borrowed the Bumbo from Kelli but so far you are not a fan. I have a feeling you will like it better once we start feeding you in it!

A few of your 3-6 month outfits just fit now. You were small for so long and now you are growing like crazy it seems. You have gotten chubby and I love squeezing your legs. This is the only time in your life when it will be cute to have fat feet, so enjoy it. They are adorable! You are just over 15 pounds, so you’ve gained a little over a pound within the past month.

You also had your dedication ceremony at our church on your five month birthday, but that will get its own post. Just know that so many people love you and are praying for you and looking out for you. You are a very loved little boy. I can’t believe next time I write to you, you will be a half a year old.

xoxo

Mommy

I love you so much. You are the best little boy in the whole world. Your crazy crying stage has ended and it is so fun to see the happy, easy-going baby you are becoming. You are content to sit on laps and watch the kids run circles around you. You have a huge gummy grin and bright blue eyes. Your hair has gotten a lot lighter since you were born and now is somewhere between dark blond and light brown. It’s coming in thicker in the front now but it’s still thin and soft enough that I can nuzzle my cheek against your head.

You aren’t a fan of sleeping on your own. In fact, you still sleep with mommy every night. I’ve made my peace with it and I enjoy having you close by- most of the time. You are my little snuggler, my little Fuzzle Wuzz. I know someday you will need to learn to sleep in your own bed, but I just don’t have it in me to let you cry alone in the dark. Oh and I should also mention that you HATE riding in the van after dark. You scream the entire ride. We are wondering if you hate the dark so much since you spent the first week of your life in blindingly bright NICU lights.

At your four month checkup, your doctor was very pleased with your growth. You moved from below the 5th percentile to 25% in weight (13 lbs 15 oz- if I had fed you before your checkup you would have broken the 14 lb mark!) and 10% in height- I think 23 1/2 inches but I need to double check. We talked about your milestones and at that point you were not grabbing and holding objects but now you are. You’ve developed so much just within the past week! You have great head and neck control, and during tummy time you can push up really high. She said you are a strong little guy! Since you are not showing a real interest in “people food” and you seem completely satisfied with nursing every few hours, we are going to hold off until closer to six months before introducing baby food.

Just wanted to include a few pictures from the past few weeks. I love you love you love you.

Mommy

(Yes I know this is HUGE on him but we were excited about the World Cup!)

I have a very feisty three-year-old who flat out refuses to go potty. We actually attempted potty training last week, as recommended by our pediatrician. It basically resulted in my child peeing everywhere but the toilet, mostly on purpose, throwing wet undies, and telling me she was NOT going to go potty. In her words, “It’s just for other girls.” Can we say strong willed? We have also had a few incidents involving spitting, kicking, squeezing her brother’s face, and just general disobedience. Oh, and let’s not forget that she dumped the entire thing of fish food into the aquarium, clogging the filter and requiring and emergency evacuation from the tank. Because I had nothing better to do that afternoon. When we were at the store she grabbed a barcode scanner and tried to play “store lady.” She has also recently climbed onto the countertop and played with the dish soap and colored with a sharpie, as pictured here.

Taylor likes to be held all.the.time… he is starting to like other people besides just me, so that is refreshing. Although I’m still his favorite (and I secretly hope I always am!) but he is just a much needier baby than Bailey was. He wants constant comforting and bouncing and eye contact. Until last week he was almost inconsolable unless he was nursing. We finally figured out that he was actually uncomfortable and not just being a pain. Yes it took me nine weeks to realize that, and yes I feel guilty. So he started on Mylanta last week and it has made a world of difference. He still wants to be held but at least he is pleasant while being held and not screaming or fussing. But basically I have a constant companion. He nurses anywhere from every two to three hours during the day, but more like every hour in the evening. He’s cute though, isn’t he?

A few days ago it was SO bad though. Bailey was screaming, he was screaming, the house was trashed… I sat down in the kitchen and cried and called my mom. She came and rescued me and it was wonderful- but sometimes I feel like I am not cut out to be a mom. I just honestly suck at it sometimes. I love my kids like crazy but between the two of them it’s just exhausting emotionally.

At night, he sleeps with me so I have no idea how often he nurses. Honestly, we go to bed and get up eight hours later. Sometime during the night I know that he eats, and we flip over so he can eat on the other side as well. I know sometimes he goes longer than others because sometimes I leak and other times I don’t. But I think it’s all subconscious for both of us- it’s just like an instinct. I know that sometimes I feel his feet starting to move next to me and then I snuggle up next to him so he can eat and then we are both back asleep before I know it. Eight weeks ago, this was making me crazy. I had never planned to co sleep. But we get such good sleep, and I can function normally during the day. Someday I will worry about getting him into his own bed. (Yes, he does sleep there on occasion for an hour or so). It’s amazing how I am such a different mother with him, because he is such a different child.

All this to say, when I have my hands free, it is probably my only free half hour in a 24 hour period. Or Jonathon is holding Taylor so I can get something ready to ship, or I am making dinner. Taylor likes the Baby Bjorn but it’s not practical to have him in there all day. The sling makes me crazy after a while. But this is our life for now. I’m happy, just drained and so blogging is last on my list if it involves thinking.

And this bow is from my friend Beth. Isn’t it cute? It coordinates with a shirt that Taylor is working on growing into

Her brother didn’t want to be left out. Actually, Mommy didn’t want him to be left out.

And here is my last picture of her as a two year old, taken at about 11:30 p.m. I had to kiss her one last time before she turned three! Silly, I know, but it’s crazy to see my baby growing up so fast. When I can pull my thoughts together about that, there will be a long third birthday post.

My sweet angel girl is three.

The distraught look on his face is because I put him down to take a picture… oh the injustice…

Taylor is such a good baby. He just likes to be held ALL THE TIME. Some people say to quit “spoiling” him, but honestly he has no idea what spoiled means. He is not “manipulating” me. He wants to be loved and to feel secure. I am not going to deny my child of that. He has been through a lot. Maybe I appreciate him more because of what we went through. Maybe I am making up for all the snuggles we couldn’t have during the first week. Yes, I do get tired of holding him. But I will not just let him scream as he sits by himself in a bouncy seat. His little chin quivers and he wails and then when he finds me back with his eyes, and he hears my voice, he calms down. It’s nice to be able to make someone so happy with just my presence.

We are having a rough time with sleeping. He does not like to lay flat in his own bed, alone, to sleep. He sleeps in three places: His swing (thanks again Kelli!), his bouncy seat, or in bed next to me. I am not a huge fan of cosleeping, honestly. I would rather not have someone nipping at me and rooting around all night. But if it means that I can actually be somewhat relaxing and somewhat resting, it’s worth it. Unfortunately, Jonathon is sleeping in the living room in the meantime because he is afraid of smushing the baby.

Bailey is still doing MOSTLY very well with him. She does have her jealous/mean moments though. For example, she figured out that she can push his bouncy seat down, and it will pop back up and make his head flop around. Lovely. I have been trying to give her extra grace and extra love, but she has also been having a lot of time outs because there are certain lines that we won’t let her cross. Overall, though, she really loves him and wants to constantly hug and kiss on him. The biggest problem is usually that she won’t leave him alone!

So I’m supposed to talk about an accomplishment, something I’m proud of, etc.

Should I mention that I functioned all day on just three hours of sleep (thank you horrible gas pains, I thought I was in labor! I have honestly never felt anything quite like this. Jonathon finally went to the store at 2 a.m. to get me Gas-X.)

Or that I cleaned poop out of Bailey’s bed this morning? After listening to her yell “Mom! Come in here! You hear me? I need you to come in!” I thought she just woke up early and told her to go back to sleep. So I finally sent Jonathon in and he’s like “Help! There’s poop!” So I go in and she says, “Look at all the poops in my bed! There’s poops in my own bed!” And those little turdlets were all lined up and arranged. Nice.

Or should I tell you that I worked doing childcare this morning at church and I wish that my old co-teacher was still in my room with me? Long morning.

Or maybe I should just tell you that Bailey and I both got to take a three hour nap this afternoon

Anyway I have been tired lately and busy trying to get ready for the cruise. I hope to get some pictures uploaded soon from a wedding last weekend.

Oh and sorry that it’s sideways. I took it on my regular camera instead of the video camera and I couldn’t figure out how to rotate the file so you’ll just have to turn your head!

Well, Friday night she wanted NOTHING to do with her crib and kept getting out so I had Jonathon take it apart. Thinking she would just sleep on the mattress on the floor. Then she cried and asked him to fix her crib, and completely freaked out over it. So he put the crib back together and took the front off so that it was like a toddler bed. After crying for a few minutes she went to sleep on her rug. Then Saturday at nap same thing, and I moved her onto the mattress on her floor. Saturday night same thing. Sunday she slept on the wooden part of the crib, the flat board the mattress rests on. Sunday night she willingly slept on the mattress. Monday nap she slept SITTING UP next to her crib with her head resting on the wooden part, for over an hour!

On Monday night we brought the toddler Dora bed home from my parents house to use. She got in it willingly and I sat next to her until she was pretty drowsy. I think she was just unsure about it and wanted some comfort with me there. Then today at nap she asked me to rock her and fell right asleep so I put her down. She is really doing pretty well in her bed so I think it’s just a matter of her getting used to falling asleep in it on a regular basis now.

Her crib is packed up in the storage room One more step toward being a big girl.

In the meantime, I will share some pictures of my child. She’s currently obsessed with playing in the bathroom. I wish she would use that obsession to learn how to go potty, but that’s not the case. Just playing, playing, playing.

Oh and a little follow up on B’s cough- it got really bad on Saturday night and I brought her in to sleep with us. She was coughing in her sleep but it was keeping me awake, so I thought it might help if she could sleep with her head propped up against me. She did much better and it was kind of nice and snuggly to have her in bed with us. She even put her arm around my neck for a while. Apparently she also kicked Jonathon a lot because somehow she ended up with her feet by his face. I asked if we could have her sleep with us again the next night. He said that she could sleep in bed with me but that he would sleep downstairs. So, she is back in her own bed. We didn’t go to church on Sunday morning. I was so worn out from a long day Saturday and then being up off and on with her during the night.

My friend Jen (who is a chiropractor) adjusted us both on Sunday night. Bailey has coughed ONCE since then. Could it be possible that getting adjusted is like the new miracle drug? We have been Benadryl free, coughing free since then.

Ni night, Muffie
Ni night, Muffie
Ni night, Muffie
It’s time to go to sleep.

It has been almost two weeks now, that Bailey has been sleeping through the night. The first night was a Friday. She went down like normal around 8:30 pm. I tried to give her that supplemental bottle at bedtime and make sure she was really full so that I would KNOW it wasn’t hunger when she woke up crying. The ped said that she didn’t physically need to eat during the night anymore. She woke up around 2:30 or 3, like normal. She cried louder when I didn’t go running in there. So I went in after like 10 minutes and just patted her and shushed at her. She wasn’t a big fan of that and yelled louder. About ten or fifteen minutes after that, it was Jonathon’s turn only he just stepped into her room and talked to her from near the doorway, I think. She yelled for about a half hour or so after that, and then fell asleep and slept until 8:30 a.m.

The next night, she woke up around the same time and fussed for about ten minutes. That is what she did for the next few nights, only at random different times and only for two or three minutes each time. Since then, I think she has only woken up during the night once in the past week. She doesn’t really cry- like mad cry- during the night when she wakes up. It’s more like she’s rolling around and fussing trying to get herself comfy again. I love that she can get herself back to sleep.

What’s it like getting a full, uninterrupted night’s sleep? I kind of take it for granted again. It already seems like so long ago that I was up four times a night. Sometimes I think I miss it. The other night before I went to bed, I went in her room and picked her up and held her in the rocking chair forever while she slept. It’s just about the only time I can get some serious snuggles from her now that she is so busy The only thing that sucks now, is that my boobs leak in the morning. I have been trying to pump before I go to bed around midnight, but the pump just doesn’t get ANYTHING anymore. My body never responded super well to pumping, so I think now that I am doing it only once every day or two it is even worse. I get like a half ounce, total, after about fifteen minutes. So most nights now I don’t even bother.

Bailey is now going to bed between 8 and 9 pm and waking up between 8 and 8:45 a.m. Except for this morning, she woke up at 7:30 screaming. I think that Jonathon went in her room to empty the diaper pail before he left for work, because today was trash day. I am going to question him about that when he gets home tonight. He is really obsessive about “collecting” all the trash on Thursday mornings. But he needs to stay out of her room, especially within the half hour or hour before she gets up, because she’s in a really light stage of sleep. I needed those extra few minutes I brought her into my bed and nursed her back to sleep for maybe a half hour.

Oooh, then my mom and I went to the toystore and I bought Bailey this for Christmas:

Bailey goes to sleep on her own at nap and at bedtime. We lay her down awake and she rolls around and hugs her bear and falls asleep. If she’s really tired, she just rolls right over to her tummy and curls up. Right now she is napping- well she’s not quite asleep yet- but I let her lay down with a pacifier to chew on because I think her teeth are bugging her. She doesn’t normally take a pacifier at all (trust me, we tried) but she likes to chew on the rubbery Soothie ones sometimes.

Anyway. The problem is sleeping at night. She was only waking up once a night, then last night she was up several times. I have been told by multiple pediatricians and other people that she is capable of sleeping through the night and doesn’t NEED to eat during the night anymore. We tried about three weeks ago to let her cry during the night and she was up for two hours before Daddy finally rescued her. Starting Friday night, there will be no rescuing. I am not sure our exact strategy, but I think we will not go in to comfort her because that seems to make it worse. We will probably just look in from the doorway to make sure she is okay.

The reason I am set on this NOW is because of a conversation I had the other night with Alison’s mom, who is a pediatrician. (Remember the family I used to nanny for?) She encouraged me that we could do this. It is time for me to get some good sleep again. Counting the end of my pregnancy when I couldn’t sleep, it’s been like nine months since I had a good night of uninterrupted sleep. She said the first night she really might cry two hours or so. That sounds horrible to me, but I know it will be better for all of us once she learns to go back to sleep on her own.

Being able to roll over and go back to sleep without eating is a skill everyone should master. I would prefer for my child to learn that at seven months than at two or three years. Plus, Friday is her seven month birthday and that’s when I told myself we would start letting her cry

I will update on how it goes.

But then I realized the reason she was so wide awake is because of our neighbor’s PITA dog. She has three or four of them and they bark ALL THE TIME and no one likes her. So there crazy lady. No one likes you.

12:30, 3, 6:30- those are the times she has gotten up (so far)

My six month old is resorting to newborn sleeping habits

I am exhausted.

I should go take a nap instead of screwing around online looking at stuff like Arizona luxury real estate

I am horrible at wasting time.