Longest Nap Ever

Filed Under Seventeen Months, Sleep | 4 Comments

Bailey slept today from 1:15 to about 4:45. I know some of you have kids who do that regularly, but Bailey has always been a good night sleeper and crappy napper. It was amazing to have a THREE HOUR BREAK this afternoon!

So Sweepy

Filed Under Sixteen Months, Sleep | 2 Comments

Thanks to Bailey, who woke up SEVEN times during the night last night, and four the night before. The first time, we fell for it. She sounded panicked and wanted to rock. Then we realized that every time she turned over she wanted us to come back in and rock her back to sleep. Not gonna happen. I hate letting her cry but there is NO WAY we are falling into this trap. I also think her teeth are bugging her but she has had Tylenol. Please cross your fingers that she sleeps better tonight!

Ni-Night Muffie

Filed Under Fifteen Months, Sleep | 2 Comments

Every night/nap before we put Bailey to bed we sing the “Ni-night Muffie Song”

Ni night, Muffie
Ni night, Muffie
Ni night, Muffie
It’s time to go to sleep.

Crappy Napper

Filed Under Baby Gear, Sleep, Ten Months | 7 Comments

20 minutes this morning, 40 this afternoon. If I try to buckle her into her bouncy seat in front of a Baby Einstein video for a few more minutes of peace, this is what happens:

Wordless Wednesday- Sleeping Baby

Filed Under Nine Months, Sleep | 15 Comments

I love that she sleeps with her little bottom in the air, always.

Sleeping Through the Night

Filed Under Breastfeeding, Milestones, Sleep, Toys | 4 Comments

I just realized I never posted the results of our crazy sleep training experiment. The reason I probably never posted? There was nothing to complain about. I am way too good about whining on my blog but not so good about posting normal blah kind of things.

It has been almost two weeks now, that Bailey has been sleeping through the night. The first night was a Friday. She went down like normal around 8:30 pm. I tried to give her that supplemental bottle at bedtime and make sure she was really full so that I would KNOW it wasn’t hunger when she woke up crying. The ped said that she didn’t physically need to eat during the night anymore. She woke up around 2:30 or 3, like normal. She cried louder when I didn’t go running in there. So I went in after like 10 minutes and just patted her and shushed at her. She wasn’t a big fan of that and yelled louder. About ten or fifteen minutes after that, it was Jonathon’s turn only he just stepped into her room and talked to her from near the doorway, I think. She yelled for about a half hour or so after that, and then fell asleep and slept until 8:30 a.m.

The next night, she woke up around the same time and fussed for about ten minutes. That is what she did for the next few nights, only at random different times and only for two or three minutes each time. Since then, I think she has only woken up during the night once in the past week. She doesn’t really cry- like mad cry- during the night when she wakes up. It’s more like she’s rolling around and fussing trying to get herself comfy again. I love that she can get herself back to sleep.

What’s it like getting a full, uninterrupted night’s sleep? I kind of take it for granted again. It already seems like so long ago that I was up four times a night. Sometimes I think I miss it. The other night before I went to bed, I went in her room and picked her up and held her in the rocking chair forever while she slept. It’s just about the only time I can get some serious snuggles from her now that she is so busy The only thing that sucks now, is that my boobs leak in the morning. I have been trying to pump before I go to bed around midnight, but the pump just doesn’t get ANYTHING anymore. My body never responded super well to pumping, so I think now that I am doing it only once every day or two it is even worse. I get like a half ounce, total, after about fifteen minutes. So most nights now I don’t even bother.

Bailey is now going to bed between 8 and 9 pm and waking up between 8 and 8:45 a.m. Except for this morning, she woke up at 7:30 screaming. I think that Jonathon went in her room to empty the diaper pail before he left for work, because today was trash day. I am going to question him about that when he gets home tonight. He is really obsessive about “collecting” all the trash on Thursday mornings. But he needs to stay out of her room, especially within the half hour or hour before she gets up, because she’s in a really light stage of sleep. I needed those extra few minutes I brought her into my bed and nursed her back to sleep for maybe a half hour.

Oooh, then my mom and I went to the toystore and I bought Bailey this for Christmas:

Sleep Training

Filed Under Six Months, Sleep | 9 Comments

Is going to begin at our house. No judgement, please. I am struggling with it enough on my own without hearing stupid negative thoughts from people who think they should mother my child.

Bailey goes to sleep on her own at nap and at bedtime. We lay her down awake and she rolls around and hugs her bear and falls asleep. If she’s really tired, she just rolls right over to her tummy and curls up. Right now she is napping- well she’s not quite asleep yet- but I let her lay down with a pacifier to chew on because I think her teeth are bugging her. She doesn’t normally take a pacifier at all (trust me, we tried) but she likes to chew on the rubbery Soothie ones sometimes.

Anyway. The problem is sleeping at night. She was only waking up once a night, then last night she was up several times. I have been told by multiple pediatricians and other people that she is capable of sleeping through the night and doesn’t NEED to eat during the night anymore. We tried about three weeks ago to let her cry during the night and she was up for two hours before Daddy finally rescued her. Starting Friday night, there will be no rescuing. I am not sure our exact strategy, but I think we will not go in to comfort her because that seems to make it worse. We will probably just look in from the doorway to make sure she is okay.

The reason I am set on this NOW is because of a conversation I had the other night with Alison’s mom, who is a pediatrician. (Remember the family I used to nanny for?) She encouraged me that we could do this. It is time for me to get some good sleep again. Counting the end of my pregnancy when I couldn’t sleep, it’s been like nine months since I had a good night of uninterrupted sleep. She said the first night she really might cry two hours or so. That sounds horrible to me, but I know it will be better for all of us once she learns to go back to sleep on her own.

Being able to roll over and go back to sleep without eating is a skill everyone should master. I would prefer for my child to learn that at seven months than at two or three years. Plus, Friday is her seven month birthday and that’s when I told myself we would start letting her cry

I will update on how it goes.

Back to how it was

Filed Under Six Months, Sleep | 1 Comment

For the past four nights Bailey has only gotten up once, around 3-4 a.m. I can handle that. Only today she woke up for the day at like 7 and refused to go back to sleep. Which means it will be a long morning because I work Tuesday mornings at my church and she will be in the nursery… so probably no nap for her because she thinks there is something she’s going to miss if she goes to sleep.

But then I realized the reason she was so wide awake is because of our neighbor’s PITA dog. She has three or four of them and they bark ALL THE TIME and no one likes her. So there crazy lady. No one likes you.

so sleepy

Filed Under Six Months, Sleep | 2 Comments

9:30 pm- Bailey went to bed-

12:30, 3, 6:30- those are the times she has gotten up (so far)

My six month old is resorting to newborn sleeping habits

I am exhausted.

I should go take a nap instead of screwing around online looking at stuff like Arizona luxury real estate

I am horrible at wasting time.

Getting Better All the Time

Filed Under Money, Six Months, Sleep | 3 Comments

Today we had a garage sale. We got rid of a TON of junk and brought in almost $400. It was worth my time setting up.

Bailey did not see the need to sleep last night. I went to bed at like 2:15 after working on setting up the garage sale so I could just pull the stuff out of the garage in the morning. She woke up at about 3:00ish and stayed up until 6. She was crying, yelling, grumbling, etc only I would let her cry- which I hate doing but she is a manipulative little girl (saying that with a smile)… but then when I would finally give in after like an hour and go in to try to “fix it” she would smile at me and want to play. Little booger. So I slept for literally 45 minutes last night.

The garage sale was super busy. The first crazy showed up at 6:15 (before we were even open, while it was still pitch black and we were setting up!) and it didn’t stop until about 11:30. Most of the time there were several cars of people there. We stayed open until a little after 1 and a few people kind of wandered in and out for that last hour or so. It was such a nice day so Jonathon and I were just kind of enjoying sitting there with Bailey and chatting with some of our neighbors by that point.

I am convinced that people will buy anything. I sold a bunch of mostly used stuff from Bath and Body Works, used tanning lotion, really old track lighting that we took out of our kitchen, cabinet hinges, stuffed animals (which grosses me out because you can’t wash them- EW I would never buy something like that used!) My personal favorite was the used cat brushes that still had cat hair in them. We sold three of them. Really, I have discovered that you can sit anything outside and someone will want it.

ANYWAY, after all that was over, Bailey took a nap and Jonathon pulled everything back into the garage and let me go take a nap. He only got like 3 hours of sleep, tops, so I was thankful that he did that for me. Then, we found my car keys. YAY, now I don’t have to get another set made tomorrow. I can put that off a few days. Because what’s better than procrastinating?

Now I am going to eat dinner (at 9:30 pm) and read a magazine for a few minutes before heading to bed. Oh, and tomorrow Jonathon and I are going out for lunch and Bailey is going home from church with my parents. It’s been a few weeks since we’ve had a date

Memo To My Daughter

Filed Under Sleep | 4 Comments

Bailey,

Please start sleeping at night. That is what you are supposed to do. You used to know how, but apparently you have forgotten. I will be offering a class tonight at 8 pm.

If you wake up during the night, kindly roll over and go back to sleep. There is no need to smile at mommy at 3 a.m. Yes, I am aware that you are cute. But if you are not hungry or poopy, I would prefer to stay in bed and enjoy your cuteness in the morning when I am well rested.

Thanks,

Management

Not my day today

Filed Under Complaining, Sleep, Teething | 4 Comments

Bailey woke up about a gazillion times during the night last night. I think it’s her teeth… but of course I’ve been saying that for a long time now so maybe she’s just being a PITA. Who knows, she just wants to lay on my lap and smile at me at about 4:30 a.m. and NO, she won’t cry herself back to sleep if I just leave her there. If I get up with her, snuggle her, and maybe nurse her for a minute or two then she goes right back down. But it makes for being very tired in the morning. Plus, she woke up way earlier than usual today. Being the bad mommy that I am, I put her in her bouncy seat, turned on a BE video, and went back to bed for another half hour or so.

Then, here’s the kicker. On the way to the gym, I got a ticket. I got pulled over for not making a “complete stop” at a stop sign that didn’t even exist not too long ago. But that’s not what the ticket was for- it was for failure to show proof of insurance. Can I help it that my new insurance card came like the week I gave birth? Was that really supposed to be at the top of my list of things to do. Let’s see… Feed baby, sleep, feed baby, oh yeah, put new insurance card in wallet. Nope.

The ticket is only $24 as long as I go to the Ballwin Po Station and show them my insurance card. Jerks.

I also need to do some Christmas shopping- I HAVE TO GET STARTED! Thinking about getting grandpa Ingersoll Rand air tools. He is impossible. I mean MY grandpa, not Bailey’s. I just feel frazzled and busy and stressed. And of course we don’t exactly have tons of extra money for Christmas gifts this year- we usually spend too much anyway- but that makes me sad

It’s going to get better, right?

Five Months Old

Filed Under Church, Five Months, Food, Play, Sleep, Teething | 2 Comments

You turned five months old yesterday. It’s hard to imagine you as the little newborn I brought home from the hospital just five short months ago. Where is the time going?

This was a month of lots of accomplishments! You started rice cereal on August 21st and liked it from the beginning. After one messy feeding, you started swallowing it and opening your mouth for more. When you get excited about your food, you wave your arms. In fact, being excited in general makes you wave your arms. If you are laying on your back when this happens, you pound your hands against your tummy.

You just started vegetables on September 11th. Your first vegetable was green beans. You loved them- unless they were cold from being in the fridge! Then you made funny faces but still ate them anyway. Today we tried squash for the first time and that was a hit. If we are eating and you don’t have food, you’re not very happy. Especially if we are using spoons. Funny girl You just get solids once a day, though, and you have tried teething biscuit thingies twice.

You are still nursing A LOT and you are down to usually just four ounces of formula a day- at bedtime. You go to sleep around 8 and wake up about six or seven hours later for a snack and a cuddle, then again around 7-8 a.m. and then you get up for the day around 10. Although I would eventually like to cut out one of those feedings, I can’t complain. And that would just make you more grown up anyway

You are in the church nursery on Tuesday mornings for childcare during Women’s Bible Study. Last week was the first week and you did great. Mommy loves having another day to dress you up, too.

You are very talkative. Your babbling has progressed into chatter, and you make MMM and ba ba ba sounds now. Sometimes it also sounds like “Glooble ba mmmmm pfffft” and other random mixes of noises. You like to grab your feet, and just yesterday you started putting them in your mouth. During the night when you woke up, the feet of your pajamas were soaked because you had sucked on them. Your feet were freezing!

You continue to enjoy Baby Einstein videos. You just started watching Baby’s First Moves and you think it’s pretty exciting. Your favorite toy is still your LaMaze butterfly. We got links to attach it to your carseat. Also, you have used your stroller without the carseat in it a few times now. And we even tried the umbrella stroller one day in a pinch. You didn’t seem to mind.

I think last month you were already rolling both directions. You spin yourself around now too, when you’re on your back. Your feet and legs end up sticking out of your crib and getting stuck. You seem to be teething now, based on your intense need to bite down on my boobies and chew on everything in sight. I can feel little bumps on your gums, but I can’t see anything yet. You don’t really like to let me look in your mouth, either!

Anyway, that’s probably enough for one month. Stop growing up so fast! I love you so much. You are so much fun, and you are the sunshine in my day and you make me so happy. I always tell you, you are my little love.

Bailey’s Birth Story: Part Three- The Truth About the Aftermath

Filed Under Breastfeeding, Doctor Stuff, Family, Newborn, Postpartum Depression, Sleep | 11 Comments

It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I am able to write about this. I feel like it’s behind me now, so I can deal with it, if that makes sense. I’m not writing this post so that people can say, “Oh, poor Tara, she really had it rough.” Like I said, it’s over and done with. My reason for writing this is so that you know how crazy your hormones can go after birth. I am so thankful for my friend’s story about her postpartum depression.

Statistically, I was not a candidate for postpartum depression. They told us about it in the childbirth classes. I have heard about it from friends. I just hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with it, and figured if I did have it a little bit, I would just force myself to “get over it.” I had a fairly easy pregnancy- I know I griped about swelling and stuff like that at the end, but no real complications. Bailey’s labor and delivery was great. My physical recovery was very easy. I didn’t have pain from the stitches, I didn’t need incontinence supplies, I didn’t have pain from the epidural.

The first time I put her to breast in the hospital, she did fine. After that, she would not latch on. Well, I should say she had a very lazy latch and the nurses kept pulling her off. This was very stressful for me. I have no idea if this was the beginning of me going downhill or not. I found myself crying a lot in the hospital. I was having a lot of trouble breastfeeding, and I was exhausted. I thought I really loved Bailey, but I just wasn’t sure what to do with her. And I was overwhelmed with the responsibility. I mean, come on, I have been around tons of babies before. But my own? Whole new ballgame. I became terrified of going home. The lactation nurse helped me make a breastfeeding plan. I felt like I was begging her to give me a shred of hope, and she did that. It involved supplementing with formula. If I had to do this over again, I would not go that route, but I think it’s what helped me make it through this time.

The first day or two we were at home were pretty good. We were adjusting to having a baby. Jonathon was very supportive. Bailey was (and still is) a very good baby. She liked to sleep, and she didn’t have to be rocked to sleep. However, the second day we were at home I had a breakdown. I confessed that I wasn’t sure if we had made the right decision about having a baby. (Bailey- if you ever read this- that was just my hormones, I promise!)

When Bailey was four days old, we left her with my parents and went to a wedding. I was convinced things were going to be good and easy. It would get better, right? We were capable of leaving the baby, getting a sitter, and going out in public. This baby thing couldn’t be too hard. But things got worse from there. I dreaded seeing anyone other than Jonathon and my mom, for some reason. People from church were bringing us meals and I didn’t know what to do when they came over. I would sit for hours in Bailey’s room and cry- about stuff like what if she died when she was a teenager, what if she went away to college and didn’t need me anymore, what if she liked Jonathon better, what if she grew up too fast and started preschool and I missed her. Not very rational.

It got worse. I was not able to eat anything. Literally, food made me gag. My mom had to sit with me and force feed me with a spoon (yeah, that’s embarrassing). Even ice cream and pizza were not appealing. And let me tell you, I’ve never been one to turn down food! I spent most of the time in my room, in the dark, sleeping. At first I thought I was just tired from having a new baby, but then I realized something was Really Wrong. Whenever I thought about Bailey, I started to feel sick to my stomach. I kept telling myself that I wanted to love her, I really did… she was so cute, but I just couldn’t feel any attachment. It was really frustrating and depressing.

It got even worse. I couldn’t come out of my room. My memories of her newborn days are of me laying in bed crying. I would lay in bed and my heart would race. My mom and Jonathon and sometimes other people took care of her out in the living room. She had a lot of formula because I felt like throwing up when I had to feed her. Horrible anxiety, I think. Friends called, and I told them everything was great. I knew in my heart that I would never have another baby. I think I even told Jonathon that if he wanted another child, we were adopted a toddler. Any time Bailey cried, I ran out of my room and freaked out. I wanted to help, I didn’t know what to do, I cried, I felt like a failure as a mother. And she was such a good baby. I was unable to make decision about anything. My mind just wasn’t functioning. I felt like I was in this weird surreal haze.

I was really mental at this point. My mom gave me a bracelet with a heart on it (I’m sure some of you have seen it). I remember thinking that as long as I kept that bracelet on, I could cope. Jonathon kept trying to give Bailey bottles and letting me sleep. I was terrified, because I had wanted to breastfeed. She did not have a bath for the first two weeks of her life because I was scared to do that as well. We did not leave the house except to go to the pediatrician for her many weight checks. The pediatrician’s office made me sick to my stomach. You can tell by how pale I am in this picture that I wasn’t doing well. I was fake smiling, but I felt like a zombie.

Somewhere around two weeks old, Jonathon suggested again that we call the doctor. I did it. I remember I was crying and my hands were shaking as I talked to my OB. I kept telling her something was Really Wrong. She told me it was okay and it wasn’t my fault. She prescribed Zoloft and some anti-anxiety pills. I remember thinking that something had to get better or I couldn’t go on like this. Was I suicidal? Not sure. I don’t think I would have ever done anything like that, but I didn’t really want to live another sixty years in the dark of my bedroom.

After I started the medication, it got worse before it got better. My appetite continued to decrease. It’s amazing that I still kept on so much of that baby weight during this time I started having anxiety attacks. I remember laying in bed at night and waking up screaming. Jonathon called my mom several times to come over and help with me. Not the baby, me. I didn’t even care. I felt like when she was there, I could go on. When I was alone, I couldn’t cope. Apparently they had agreed not to leave me alone, but I didn’t know this. My mom took vacation from work to take care of me. After about a week on the Zoloft, I called my doctor and she switched me to Prozac. It’s amazing what that stuff does. I gradually got better. Within two weeks of starting that, my mom and I were going to the mall with Bailey, going out to lunch, and I felt capable of being a mother.

I stopped begging everyone to tell me it would get better. I knew it would. I am thankful that I had such good family to support me. I can’t say that I am thankful for my friends at that time, because I never told anyone what was going on until later. I didn’t want to look like a failure or like I was crazy. When Jonathon’s parents came in town, I hid in my room. I wish I could still hide from them in my room, to tell you the truth.

There are a lot of other scary parts that I did not write about here. I guess the main things I dealt with were sleeping all the time, then bouts of insomnia, then night terrors and anxiety, loss of appetite, panic attacks, feeling like a failure with Bailey, failing to bond with Bailey (or at least I felt like it even though I tried), feeling like I wanted to love her but wasn’t sure how I felt, being terrified of the baby… I just hope that anyone reading this will remember what I went through, so that if they ever experience anything like this, they will know to get help. Calling my OB was the best thing I have ever done. If you feel yourself starting to go down this road, please ask for help early on. Don’t wait to see if it gets better. Maybe it will, but this is no way to spend the first weeks of your baby’s life. I am thankful that it didn’t take longer for me to get better.

Not Very Restful

Filed Under Sleep, Teething | 1 Comment

Last night Bailey was really congested, and I think her teeth are still bugging her. Put her to bed at 7:30, and she was up at:

9
10:30
12:45
3:30
6:15
7:30

She didn’t want to eat at all of these times, sometimes she just wanted a hug or a dry diaper. She is never like this so I knew she wasn’t feeling like herself.

At 7:30 I decided to put her in front of a Baby E video and get myself ready for the day, since I have to be somewhere at 9:30. Then I have lunch plans, and tonight I have book club. Of course, the night before a super busy day, I get no sleep