We did take a few pictures beforehand at church. Taylor was a doll during the service. Bailey had a last minute panic about going on stage- shocking if you know her- and kept her face hidden in Daddy’s neck.

We had a lunch at my parents house. I felt guilty not doing a party for him like we did with Bailey… but then I realized that it would be more for me since he wouldn’t care what was going on, as long as there was milk! We had dessert and ice cream after lunch- Bailey’s favorite part.

And played more hockeyball!

But Taylor just watched…

And then we opened some gifts. Of course Bailey offered to help! She was so sweet with Taylor. She showed him each present and told him about them.

Awwww, one last shot of me with my babies…

She felt warm and just kept asking me to hold her. She looked miserable, and fell asleep in the car on the way home. We carried her to bed and she slept for about an hour, My parents insisted that they still wanted to come over so once she woke up, the whole family came over. Which was especially awesome when she ended up puking after lunch. They made a quick exit. We got a few pictures before church though:

Here are a few after the family came over…

And here you can tell she’s really starting to not feel good-

My parents let me bring Taylor over to their house and hang out the rest of the day/evening so that hopefully he wouldn’t get sick. It worked! Plus the coolest thing- my parents have a big jacuzzi tub and my mom was like “bring your bath stuff and I’ll watch Taylor while you relax” so I got to read for an hour in the bath. I haven’t relaxed like that since before he was born. Just a few shots of my mom with him

She wanted to explore all the dark hay bale mazes and I was wishing I brought a flashlight. She did the tire swings and big slide over and over with Daddy. I tried to get her to wear her sunglasses so she won’t need wrinkle cream when she gets older…

She rode on the little tractor-

Just like last year! Remember this?

There were tons of great photo opportunities. She didn’t want to sit still for too long, though!

We rode on a hayride through the fields and saw the different crops. I tried to explain that we were on a farm and the farmers were growing vegetables.

We shared a funnel cake (well, I think Jonathon and Bailey might have gotten a few bites anyway) and barbecue beef brisket sandwiches and lemonade.

Bailey got to choose her own pumpkin and then insisted on pulling it all the way to the car all. by. herself. in the wagon. Which took quite a while.

But she was in a great mood all day, and we really had a nice time. The bigger she gets, the more Jonathon sees that it is actually fun to go do activities as a family. It’s much easier to convince him now than it used to be.

And of course it wouldn’t be a post without sharing some pictures…

My dad, Jonathon, and my grandpa- a.k.a. Papa

Daddy gets hugs from his girl

We are still not going to visit, she has asked that we don’t come. She is really worried about Bailey being exposed to all the sick germs where she is, and she just wants to sleep anyway. So my dad is going to go by and see her after work today.

So moving on to say this: My aunt and uncle come to town regularly to visit. They say that they are coming to visit “everyone” yet they stay with my uncle’s mom for the entire visit. They eat with her, shop with her, etc. They stay in town for anywhere from 3-7 nights and usually go to my grandparents house once or twice  for the afternoon and then take them out to dinner once. So they spend about six or so hours together during a whole week. I don’t think my grandparents are wrong to be upset over this. They get really hurt that my aunt (their daughter) and uncle basically schedule time to hang out with them.

We are having everyone over tonight for dinner. Dinner… you would think 6 or 6:30, right? Well they have informed us that they will not be able to get here any earlier than 7 because they made some other plans. You know, they are only in town for a week and have a lot to do. But don’t worry, because they can stay until 8 or 9. I’m so glad they penciled us in. And did I mention, this is the only time my mom will be seeing her sister during their entire visit?

When we see them, they talk a lot about their gourmet meals that she cooks, and their third car which I guess is a BMW and I know they already have a Jag and a Porsche… so it’s not so much that they are bragging but more like they just go on and on and on about this stuff. Like my aunt complains how my uncle doesn’t want her to drive the Porsche to the mall because of the parking  yadda yadda. They talk about how they don’t do all-inclusive trips because the restaurants usually aren’t very nice. It’s like they forget that they are talking to family and they are trying to impress us. When we would all rather just have a pleasant visit. My mom says sometimes she is amazed that they are sisters and started out the same.

Bailey with my mom and our neighbor Jeannette

Friends Amy and Kaitlynn

Opening presents

See the little flower thing she has in her hand? She’s obsessed with it and takes it everywhere with her. That and the wand for the bubbles that Kelli gave her.

Bailey loves balloons. She has started trying to say “balloon.” She points to them and says “Buv!”

Sharing her toys with AJ, my friend Jen‘s little boy

With my college roommate, Sarah

Birthday cake

We stripped her down to her diaper just in case she decided to eat her cake…

But she didn’t! She wanted nothing to do with it and cried until I got her out of her high chair.

Here she’s signing that she wants out

She’s glad all that nonsense is over so she can sit by herself and play her xylophone!

Happy birthday, sweetheart. We’ll try the cake again someday. If you’re anything like your mama, you will love cake with buttercream icing!

When we got into Nashville we went straight to the rehearsal dinner, which was at Buca di Beppo (which I guess is a chain of Italian restaurants but I hadn’t heard of it before). The food was all served family style so that was kind of fun. We sat at a table with Jonathon’s parents and his Aunt Grace and Uncle Marvin. We had a nice time at the dinner and then afterwards we went to the church for the rehearsal. I had never been to a rehearsal where the dinner was before the church part. But Bailey had a great time running up and down the aisles as fast as possible. They slanted downward toward the front of the church so she would get going faster and faster and then crash. She also liked chasing after the two flower girls, who were amused by her at first and then I think they got annoyed.

Saturday morning, Jonathon drove me around Nashville to show me where he used to work and live and stuff like that. We let Bailey take her morning nap in the car since we weren’t sure how it would work at the hotel. Also we found Cadbury eggs on clearance for 12 cents each at Walgreens! Then we went back and got ready for the wedding (and I had to iron all our clothes!) and headed to the church. It was raining and the parking lot was so full by the time we got there, so Jonathon dropped us off and then met us inside later. Bailey made it through the wedding long enough to see the bride come in and then for about three minutes after that. I spent the rest of the time wandering the church with her and then I found the nursery and took her in there to play.

The reception was at the church right after the ceremony. It was really the first “cake and punch” reception I had ever been to. They had all kinds of hors d’oeuvres and desserts and stuff too. Here are some pictures of the bride and groom, and then everyone at our table (Jonathon’s parents, aunt, uncle, cousins).

Once again, Bailey had a great time running around. She helped rearrange some chairs and also tried to get everyone’s attention. She got lots of compliments. She was a very good baby all day and I was so impressed. Especially since she completely missed her afternoon nap!

That night met up in the groom’s parents hotel room for leftovers (from the rehearsal dinner) and to visit with Jonathon’s family. They are all so normal, except for his parents. They really sat there and didn’t say much the whole time. I wonder if they feel like they don’t fit in, or if they just don’t have anything to say. Sunday morning we were going to spend more time at Opryland but we were just kind of anxious to get on the road and get home. Plus we thought that way Bailey would take her morning nap in the car instead of at The Grand Ole Opry!

We got Bailey’s Easter basket ready the night before, so that it would be there when she woke up… but then we decided not to give it to her before church when we were rushed. Also I was yelling at Jonathon at the moment, so it was better to wait. But here was her basket, before she dug into it:

Obviously she can’t do candy or little toys yet, but I knew the Puffs would be just as good. The animal crackers were something new, and the eggs were an idea that I got at Parents as Teachers. We I put different items in each egg to make
shakers, and then hot glued them shut.

Easter was a weird day, weather-wise. It was actually snowing, big fat snowflakes, off and on during the day. So Bailey did not get to wear her sandals that I had searched the entire world for In fact the dress we had for her to wear, was sleeveless and seersucker, so she had to wear tights and a sweater with it. There was not a chance of going outside for an egg hunt, but we weren’t really planning on doing one anyway.

We got ready in the morning and went to church for Easter service. I tried to get a few pictures of Bailey in her dress, but she was not cooperating. My mom held her while I took some, but I still didn’t get any great ones. She does not seem to want to look at the camera anymore, and she tries to run away. She’s just too busy. I just liked this first picture because you can see her sparkly shoes.

Here she is in the nursery; another attempt at taking a good Easter picture.

After church, we went home and Bailey took a nap, while Jonathon and I finished getting things ready for the big meal over here. I got a ham at Honeybaked Ham and it was really good! Although I have to say that for $35 for a mini ham, I should not have had to pick a speck of fat off. Those things are overpriced for what you get, I think. When she woke up from nap, we let her open her basket before everyone arrived. I know they wanted to watch, but I figured it would just get too crazy and then she wouldn’t care about it. You can see what she grabbed for first…

I just love the look on her face here…

Here is Bailey with my parents. They gave her a sparkly Easter egg with money for a Grant’s Farm season pass in it. We love Grant’s Farm and can’t wait until it opens in April!

And doing what we do, sitting around and watching Bailey…

And just because this is one of the least icky pictures I’ve seen of myself lately, I thought I’d share

Taking a bath in Grandma’s sink on Christmas Eve. Let me tell you we had to seriously scrub that sink before putting her in it. Their kitchen makes me want to vomit.


Checking out what Santa brought- Christmas morning- this was her first gift (from Mom and Dad obviously).



Yay, Mommy!

Opening our presents on Christmas Day




Stopping to check out the Christmas tree

Opening more Christmas presents


We spent Christmas afternoon/evening with Jonathon’s cousins and aunts and uncles. They are all much more normal than his parents. In fact his parents are really the only weirdos in the family. I don’t quite understand. Anyway here is Bailey’s cousin Grace and great uncle Marvin.

Bailey with cousin Isaac, who was one in November.

My big gift to Jonathon was a new hard drive… how terribly exciting. But it was a good surprise for him because he had been bugging me for one and didn’t think he would get it because I said that was a boring Christmas present.

It was a very long day. I think everyone had a good time. My dad and grandpa got into a little tiff at the end of the day but overall, there wasn’t any major bickering or anything which is kind of rare with my family! Anyway, here are a bunch of the pictures in no particular order. I am tired and this is the best I can do.

She still likes her exersaucer. Only I have noticed that she won’t stay in it as longas before. Before she could do well over a half hour. Now we are lucky to get about 15 minutes, I think. She is just obsessed with crawling. And now, she pulls up on stuff too. Look out, world.


How cute are these? Mutha brought them back from China for Bailey.

Wrapping Christmas presents with my little helper.


She looks way too grown up No more khakis until she’s at least ten. LOL

These were taken on Friday, when I watched Alison. Bailey and Alison really seem to like each other. They can just look at each other and laugh nonstop. It’s great. They were kind of distracted in these pictures because we were getting ready to go somewhere and I suddenly remembered I had my camera with me.


Bailey and her (Great) Aunt Donna

Bailey with Aunt Donna and Grammy

She’s trying to figure out the handles on her new sippy cup. It takes a lot of concentration.


Checking out the Christmas tree at my parents house

We had a great day and lots of laughs. I ended up with tons of pictures, so I wanted to share some.

Someone brought this fake bug to dinner and everyone kept trying to scare each other with it. I guess at some point Jonathon thought it would be funny to put it on Bailey’s tray and take a picture.



Attempting to get some pictures in her Thanksgiving outfit, but she wasn’t cooperating very much today. There was a lot going on, she had a snotty nose, and she just wasn’t in the mood for modeling.


I want these shoes OFF, Mom!


Daddy, you’re so funny


Bailey kept getting bread stuck in her snot… gross, I know, but it was worth a picture.

She is getting to be a pretty fast crawler now. My parents put a baby gate up in front of the stairs today. We seriously need to go to BRU and buy a gate. They loaned us theirs to use at our house in the meantime.


Bailey loves doggies. She wanted to follow Koby everywhere and pet him… here they are having a little supervised introduction




Hanging out with Grampa


Bailey is starting to truly enjoy looking at her books. She can turn the pages herself now. Not sure why she has a diaper on her head, though.

He was stabilized once they were at the hospital. Today he has remained in good spirits but maybe a little bit out of it compared to how he normally is. He is doing fine now, but they can’t figure out what caused this earlier.

Let me say, it was not just “passing out.” When they brought him out of the service in a wheelchair I have never seen someone that pale and yellowish. It was really scary to see my Daddy looking like that. I had tears in my eyes because I was freaking out but I didn’t want him to see that I was upset.

At the hospital, they did an EEG, EKG, CT Scan, and some x-rays. His Pulsox was 99% and his vitals were all normal. They still can’t really figure out what happened. He is staying overnight tonight in the heart wing, although they are fairly certain it wasn’t a heart attack. Which was my first thought when I saw how sweaty he was.

Tomorrow he is supposed to have an MRI and a stress test and possibly another EEG for some reason. I think the MRI is for his brain.

Please keep him in your prayers. And us, too. It is so hard to see your dad not strong and in control. I held together pretty well today, at least at the hospital, but I have been kind of a mess at home. We’ve been back and forth all day. I’m sure I will be up there again tomorrow unless he ends up leaving early in the day, but that’s not looking promising at this point

I love my Dad.

Statistically, I was not a candidate for postpartum depression. They told us about it in the childbirth classes. I have heard about it from friends. I just hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with it, and figured if I did have it a little bit, I would just force myself to “get over it.” I had a fairly easy pregnancy- I know I griped about swelling and stuff like that at the end, but no real complications. Bailey’s labor and delivery was great. My physical recovery was very easy. I didn’t have pain from the stitches, I didn’t need incontinence supplies, I didn’t have pain from the epidural.

The first time I put her to breast in the hospital, she did fine. After that, she would not latch on. Well, I should say she had a very lazy latch and the nurses kept pulling her off. This was very stressful for me. I have no idea if this was the beginning of me going downhill or not. I found myself crying a lot in the hospital. I was having a lot of trouble breastfeeding, and I was exhausted. I thought I really loved Bailey, but I just wasn’t sure what to do with her. And I was overwhelmed with the responsibility. I mean, come on, I have been around tons of babies before. But my own? Whole new ballgame. I became terrified of going home. The lactation nurse helped me make a breastfeeding plan. I felt like I was begging her to give me a shred of hope, and she did that. It involved supplementing with formula. If I had to do this over again, I would not go that route, but I think it’s what helped me make it through this time.

The first day or two we were at home were pretty good. We were adjusting to having a baby. Jonathon was very supportive. Bailey was (and still is) a very good baby. She liked to sleep, and she didn’t have to be rocked to sleep. However, the second day we were at home I had a breakdown. I confessed that I wasn’t sure if we had made the right decision about having a baby. (Bailey- if you ever read this- that was just my hormones, I promise!)

When Bailey was four days old, we left her with my parents and went to a wedding. I was convinced things were going to be good and easy. It would get better, right? We were capable of leaving the baby, getting a sitter, and going out in public. This baby thing couldn’t be too hard. But things got worse from there. I dreaded seeing anyone other than Jonathon and my mom, for some reason. People from church were bringing us meals and I didn’t know what to do when they came over. I would sit for hours in Bailey’s room and cry- about stuff like what if she died when she was a teenager, what if she went away to college and didn’t need me anymore, what if she liked Jonathon better, what if she grew up too fast and started preschool and I missed her. Not very rational.

It got worse. I was not able to eat anything. Literally, food made me gag. My mom had to sit with me and force feed me with a spoon (yeah, that’s embarrassing). Even ice cream and pizza were not appealing. And let me tell you, I’ve never been one to turn down food! I spent most of the time in my room, in the dark, sleeping. At first I thought I was just tired from having a new baby, but then I realized something was Really Wrong. Whenever I thought about Bailey, I started to feel sick to my stomach. I kept telling myself that I wanted to love her, I really did… she was so cute, but I just couldn’t feel any attachment. It was really frustrating and depressing.

It got even worse. I couldn’t come out of my room. My memories of her newborn days are of me laying in bed crying. I would lay in bed and my heart would race. My mom and Jonathon and sometimes other people took care of her out in the living room. She had a lot of formula because I felt like throwing up when I had to feed her. Horrible anxiety, I think. Friends called, and I told them everything was great. I knew in my heart that I would never have another baby. I think I even told Jonathon that if he wanted another child, we were adopted a toddler. Any time Bailey cried, I ran out of my room and freaked out. I wanted to help, I didn’t know what to do, I cried, I felt like a failure as a mother. And she was such a good baby. I was unable to make decision about anything. My mind just wasn’t functioning. I felt like I was in this weird surreal haze.

I was really mental at this point. My mom gave me a bracelet with a heart on it (I’m sure some of you have seen it). I remember thinking that as long as I kept that bracelet on, I could cope. Jonathon kept trying to give Bailey bottles and letting me sleep. I was terrified, because I had wanted to breastfeed. She did not have a bath for the first two weeks of her life because I was scared to do that as well. We did not leave the house except to go to the pediatrician for her many weight checks. The pediatrician’s office made me sick to my stomach. You can tell by how pale I am in this picture that I wasn’t doing well. I was fake smiling, but I felt like a zombie.

Somewhere around two weeks old, Jonathon suggested again that we call the doctor. I did it. I remember I was crying and my hands were shaking as I talked to my OB. I kept telling her something was Really Wrong. She told me it was okay and it wasn’t my fault. She prescribed Zoloft and some anti-anxiety pills. I remember thinking that something had to get better or I couldn’t go on like this. Was I suicidal? Not sure. I don’t think I would have ever done anything like that, but I didn’t really want to live another sixty years in the dark of my bedroom.

After I started the medication, it got worse before it got better. My appetite continued to decrease. It’s amazing that I still kept on so much of that baby weight during this time I started having anxiety attacks. I remember laying in bed at night and waking up screaming. Jonathon called my mom several times to come over and help with me. Not the baby, me. I didn’t even care. I felt like when she was there, I could go on. When I was alone, I couldn’t cope. Apparently they had agreed not to leave me alone, but I didn’t know this. My mom took vacation from work to take care of me. After about a week on the Zoloft, I called my doctor and she switched me to Prozac. It’s amazing what that stuff does. I gradually got better. Within two weeks of starting that, my mom and I were going to the mall with Bailey, going out to lunch, and I felt capable of being a mother.

I stopped begging everyone to tell me it would get better. I knew it would. I am thankful that I had such good family to support me. I can’t say that I am thankful for my friends at that time, because I never told anyone what was going on until later. I didn’t want to look like a failure or like I was crazy. When Jonathon’s parents came in town, I hid in my room. I wish I could still hide from them in my room, to tell you the truth.

There are a lot of other scary parts that I did not write about here. I guess the main things I dealt with were sleeping all the time, then bouts of insomnia, then night terrors and anxiety, loss of appetite, panic attacks, feeling like a failure with Bailey, failing to bond with Bailey (or at least I felt like it even though I tried), feeling like I wanted to love her but wasn’t sure how I felt, being terrified of the baby… I just hope that anyone reading this will remember what I went through, so that if they ever experience anything like this, they will know to get help. Calling my OB was the best thing I have ever done. If you feel yourself starting to go down this road, please ask for help early on. Don’t wait to see if it gets better. Maybe it will, but this is no way to spend the first weeks of your baby’s life. I am thankful that it didn’t take longer for me to get better.