Wordless Wednesday- My Birthday

Filed Under Birthdays, Family, Seventeen Months | 5 Comments

Since we have had these pictures in our camera for a few weeks now I thought I would share! These are from my birthday celebration with my family.

Family Drama

Filed Under Complaining, Family | 3 Comments

I have an aunt (mom’s sister) and uncle who live in Atlanta. They have quite a bit more money than anyone else in our family- okay or than anyone else we know, really. I hate to talk bad about family but sometimes it has to be done. My aunt seems to have forgotten where she came from. My grandpa was born in the country. My grandparents never had a ton of money. Always enough to pay bills, but nothing fancy. My grandpa worked very hard for everything they had. My aunt, however, seems to be embarrassed of them. I know they can be a little ridiculous sometimes… but my opinion is that friends should understand that you can’t control your family. It’s not like they are rude or anything, just that they don’t have the fanciest social skills.

So moving on to say this: My aunt and uncle come to town regularly to visit. They say that they are coming to visit “everyone” yet they stay with my uncle’s mom for the entire visit. They eat with her, shop with her, etc. They stay in town for anywhere from 3-7 nights and usually go to my grandparents house once or twice  for the afternoon and then take them out to dinner once. So they spend about six or so hours together during a whole week. I don’t think my grandparents are wrong to be upset over this. They get really hurt that my aunt (their daughter) and uncle basically schedule time to hang out with them.

We are having everyone over tonight for dinner. Dinner… you would think 6 or 6:30, right? Well they have informed us that they will not be able to get here any earlier than 7 because they made some other plans. You know, they are only in town for a week and have a lot to do. But don’t worry, because they can stay until 8 or 9. I’m so glad they penciled us in. And did I mention, this is the only time my mom will be seeing her sister during their entire visit?

When we see them, they talk a lot about their gourmet meals that she cooks, and their third car which I guess is a BMW and I know they already have a Jag and a Porsche… so it’s not so much that they are bragging but more like they just go on and on and on about this stuff. Like my aunt complains how my uncle doesn’t want her to drive the Porsche to the mall because of the parking  yadda yadda. They talk about how they don’t do all-inclusive trips because the restaurants usually aren’t very nice. It’s like they forget that they are talking to family and they are trying to impress us. When we would all rather just have a pleasant visit. My mom says sometimes she is amazed that they are sisters and started out the same.

Bailey’s Birthday Party

Filed Under Bailey's Birthday, Family, Food, Friends, Gifts, Grandparents, Twelve Months | 3 Comments

I guess it is time that I post pictures from Bailey’s party. I really feel okay about it. We had a good turnout with lots of friends there. The food was decent (just stuff I put together like a fruit bowl, veggie tray, watergate salad, chips and dip, etc). Her cake turned out cute even though she wouldn’t eat it. There weren’t any disasters, just a clingy, teething baby.

Bailey with my mom and our neighbor Jeannette

Friends Amy and Kaitlynn

Opening presents

See the little flower thing she has in her hand? She’s obsessed with it and takes it everywhere with her. That and the wand for the bubbles that Kelli gave her.

Bailey loves balloons. She has started trying to say “balloon.” She points to them and says “Buv!”

Sharing her toys with AJ, my friend Jen’s little boy

With my college roommate, Sarah

Birthday cake

We stripped her down to her diaper just in case she decided to eat her cake…

But she didn’t! She wanted nothing to do with it and cried until I got her out of her high chair.

Here she’s signing that she wants out

She’s glad all that nonsense is over so she can sit by herself and play her xylophone!

Happy birthday, sweetheart. We’ll try the cake again someday. If you’re anything like your mama, you will love cake with buttercream icing!

The Wedding- last weekend

Filed Under Eleven Months, Family, Travel, Weddings | 3 Comments

Here are some pictures from the wedding we went to in Nashville last weekend. The drive was about six hours, so it was much better than the drive to Oklahoma but it still had its moments. Thankfully, on the way home Bailey slept most of the way, except for maybe an hour or so.

When we got into Nashville we went straight to the rehearsal dinner, which was at Buca di Beppo (which I guess is a chain of Italian restaurants but I hadn’t heard of it before). The food was all served family style so that was kind of fun. We sat at a table with Jonathon’s parents and his Aunt Grace and Uncle Marvin. We had a nice time at the dinner and then afterwards we went to the church for the rehearsal. I had never been to a rehearsal where the dinner was before the church part. But Bailey had a great time running up and down the aisles as fast as possible. They slanted downward toward the front of the church so she would get going faster and faster and then crash. She also liked chasing after the two flower girls, who were amused by her at first and then I think they got annoyed.

Saturday morning, Jonathon drove me around Nashville to show me where he used to work and live and stuff like that. We let Bailey take her morning nap in the car since we weren’t sure how it would work at the hotel. Also we found Cadbury eggs on clearance for 12 cents each at Walgreens! Then we went back and got ready for the wedding (and I had to iron all our clothes!) and headed to the church. It was raining and the parking lot was so full by the time we got there, so Jonathon dropped us off and then met us inside later. Bailey made it through the wedding long enough to see the bride come in and then for about three minutes after that. I spent the rest of the time wandering the church with her and then I found the nursery and took her in there to play.

The reception was at the church right after the ceremony. It was really the first “cake and punch” reception I had ever been to. They had all kinds of hors d’oeuvres and desserts and stuff too. Here are some pictures of the bride and groom, and then everyone at our table (Jonathon’s parents, aunt, uncle, cousins).

Once again, Bailey had a great time running around. She helped rearrange some chairs and also tried to get everyone’s attention. She got lots of compliments. She was a very good baby all day and I was so impressed. Especially since she completely missed her afternoon nap!

That night met up in the groom’s parents hotel room for leftovers (from the rehearsal dinner) and to visit with Jonathon’s family. They are all so normal, except for his parents. They really sat there and didn’t say much the whole time. I wonder if they feel like they don’t fit in, or if they just don’t have anything to say. Sunday morning we were going to spend more time at Opryland but we were just kind of anxious to get on the road and get home. Plus we thought that way Bailey would take her morning nap in the car instead of at The Grand Ole Opry!

Easter, long overdue

Filed Under Eleven Months, Family, Holidays | 5 Comments

I figured I should get around to posting all the pictures of Easter and writing about it before I post the new pictures from the wedding this weekend. So here it is…

We got Bailey’s Easter basket ready the night before, so that it would be there when she woke up… but then we decided not to give it to her before church when we were rushed. Also I was yelling at Jonathon at the moment, so it was better to wait. But here was her basket, before she dug into it:

Obviously she can’t do candy or little toys yet, but I knew the Puffs would be just as good. The animal crackers were something new, and the eggs were an idea that I got at Parents as Teachers. We I put different items in each egg to make
shakers, and then hot glued them shut.

Easter was a weird day, weather-wise. It was actually snowing, big fat snowflakes, off and on during the day. So Bailey did not get to wear her sandals that I had searched the entire world for In fact the dress we had for her to wear, was sleeveless and seersucker, so she had to wear tights and a sweater with it. There was not a chance of going outside for an egg hunt, but we weren’t really planning on doing one anyway.

We got ready in the morning and went to church for Easter service. I tried to get a few pictures of Bailey in her dress, but she was not cooperating. My mom held her while I took some, but I still didn’t get any great ones. She does not seem to want to look at the camera anymore, and she tries to run away. She’s just too busy. I just liked this first picture because you can see her sparkly shoes.

Here she is in the nursery; another attempt at taking a good Easter picture.

After church, we went home and Bailey took a nap, while Jonathon and I finished getting things ready for the big meal over here. I got a ham at Honeybaked Ham and it was really good! Although I have to say that for $35 for a mini ham, I should not have had to pick a speck of fat off. Those things are overpriced for what you get, I think. When she woke up from nap, we let her open her basket before everyone arrived. I know they wanted to watch, but I figured it would just get too crazy and then she wouldn’t care about it. You can see what she grabbed for first…

I just love the look on her face here…

Here is Bailey with my parents. They gave her a sparkly Easter egg with money for a Grant’s Farm season pass in it. We love Grant’s Farm and can’t wait until it opens in April!

And doing what we do, sitting around and watching Bailey…

And just because this is one of the least icky pictures I’ve seen of myself lately, I thought I’d share

Belated Christmas Pics

Filed Under Eight Months, Family, Gifts, Grandparents, Holidays | 2 Comments

Here are our pictures from Christmas in Oklahoma City with Jonathon’s parents. They are pretty blurry because they were taken with our video camera (so no flash) because we (I) forgot the memory card for our digital camera. I tend to do that. So here are the memories from the horrible week. Apparently we ONLY took pictures on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I guess we didn’t even want to remember anything else. LOL

Taking a bath in Grandma’s sink on Christmas Eve. Let me tell you we had to seriously scrub that sink before putting her in it. Their kitchen makes me want to vomit.


Checking out what Santa brought- Christmas morning- this was her first gift (from Mom and Dad obviously).



Yay, Mommy!

Opening our presents on Christmas Day




Stopping to check out the Christmas tree

Opening more Christmas presents


We spent Christmas afternoon/evening with Jonathon’s cousins and aunts and uncles. They are all much more normal than his parents. In fact his parents are really the only weirdos in the family. I don’t quite understand. Anyway here is Bailey’s cousin Grace and great uncle Marvin.

Bailey with cousin Isaac, who was one in November.

Bailey’s First Christmas

Filed Under Eight Months, Family, Gifts, Grandparents, Holidays | 7 Comments

Here is a whole slew of pictures from Christmas today at my parents house. Bailey got a ton of stuff. Well, we all did! I got a really cool keychain that you can load up to 60 digital photos into and it has like a two inch screen to view them. Perfect for showing off new pictures of my Bug I also got a gift certificate for a manicure/pedicure and some new OPI polish in dark colors! I had been wanting that. Bailey got a ride on lion. That and her Fridge Farm were probably her favorites.

My big gift to Jonathon was a new hard drive… how terribly exciting. But it was a good surprise for him because he had been bugging me for one and didn’t think he would get it because I said that was a boring Christmas present.

It was a very long day. I think everyone had a good time. My dad and grandpa got into a little tiff at the end of the day but overall, there wasn’t any major bickering or anything which is kind of rare with my family! Anyway, here are a bunch of the pictures in no particular order. I am tired and this is the best I can do.

It’s been a while

Filed Under Family, Seven Months | 4 Comments

I just realized I have some new pictures on my computer that I haven’t posted yet. And Bailey is taking a long morning nap, so I have a few minutes to get that done right now. She doesn’t give me much of a break when she’s awake, now that she’s mobile AND teething!

She still likes her exersaucer. Only I have noticed that she won’t stay in it as longas before. Before she could do well over a half hour. Now we are lucky to get about 15 minutes, I think. She is just obsessed with crawling. And now, she pulls up on stuff too. Look out, world.


How cute are these? Mutha brought them back from China for Bailey.

Wrapping Christmas presents with my little helper.


She looks way too grown up No more khakis until she’s at least ten. LOL

These were taken on Friday, when I watched Alison. Bailey and Alison really seem to like each other. They can just look at each other and laugh nonstop. It’s great. They were kind of distracted in these pictures because we were getting ready to go somewhere and I suddenly remembered I had my camera with me.


Bailey and her (Great) Aunt Donna

Bailey with Aunt Donna and Grammy

She’s trying to figure out the handles on her new sippy cup. It takes a lot of concentration.


Checking out the Christmas tree at my parents house

Happy Thanksgiving!

Filed Under Family, Holidays, Seven Months | 3 Comments

Hope everyone has enjoyed their Thanksgiving and eaten lots of turkey. We had ham… it was really good! It was just us, my parents, and my grandparents. We don’t really have many aunts/uncles/cousins etc in town, so I am used to small family get-togethers. I always thought it sounded fun to have like thirty people over. Okay, well to someone else’s house, anyway

We had a great day and lots of laughs. I ended up with tons of pictures, so I wanted to share some.

Someone brought this fake bug to dinner and everyone kept trying to scare each other with it. I guess at some point Jonathon thought it would be funny to put it on Bailey’s tray and take a picture.



Attempting to get some pictures in her Thanksgiving outfit, but she wasn’t cooperating very much today. There was a lot going on, she had a snotty nose, and she just wasn’t in the mood for modeling.


I want these shoes OFF, Mom!


Daddy, you’re so funny


Bailey kept getting bread stuck in her snot… gross, I know, but it was worth a picture.

She is getting to be a pretty fast crawler now. My parents put a baby gate up in front of the stairs today. We seriously need to go to BRU and buy a gate. They loaned us theirs to use at our house in the meantime.


Bailey loves doggies. She wanted to follow Koby everywhere and pet him… here they are having a little supervised introduction




Hanging out with Grampa


Bailey is starting to truly enjoy looking at her books. She can turn the pages herself now. Not sure why she has a diaper on her head, though.

I may not be around for a bit… but then again, who knows

Filed Under Church, Family | 6 Comments

Today my dad was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. He passed out or something like that during church… got really hot and sweaty and then passed out with his eyes open. I was in the nursery when it happened, but Jonathon called the ambulance and then my friend Faith came and got me. My mom rode to the hospital with the ambulance, and Faith drove Jonathon and Bailey and I there.

He was stabilized once they were at the hospital. Today he has remained in good spirits but maybe a little bit out of it compared to how he normally is. He is doing fine now, but they can’t figure out what caused this earlier.

Let me say, it was not just “passing out.” When they brought him out of the service in a wheelchair I have never seen someone that pale and yellowish. It was really scary to see my Daddy looking like that. I had tears in my eyes because I was freaking out but I didn’t want him to see that I was upset.

At the hospital, they did an EEG, EKG, CT Scan, and some x-rays. His Pulsox was 99% and his vitals were all normal. They still can’t really figure out what happened. He is staying overnight tonight in the heart wing, although they are fairly certain it wasn’t a heart attack. Which was my first thought when I saw how sweaty he was.

Tomorrow he is supposed to have an MRI and a stress test and possibly another EEG for some reason. I think the MRI is for his brain.

Please keep him in your prayers. And us, too. It is so hard to see your dad not strong and in control. I held together pretty well today, at least at the hospital, but I have been kind of a mess at home. We’ve been back and forth all day. I’m sure I will be up there again tomorrow unless he ends up leaving early in the day, but that’s not looking promising at this point

I love my Dad.

My Dad

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My dad is a contractor, and it seems like he has worked with/for/at a million different companies. He does computer stuff and not real estate or insurance or finances, but he is currently working at GMAC. This contract I think has another six months or so on it, and then I guess he will be somewhere else. I think it would be interesting to always work somewhere different, but I wouldn’t like not knowing what was coming next!

Bailey’s Birth Story: Part Three- The Truth About the Aftermath

Filed Under Breastfeeding, Doctor Stuff, Family, Newborn, Postpartum Depression, Sleep | 11 Comments

It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I am able to write about this. I feel like it’s behind me now, so I can deal with it, if that makes sense. I’m not writing this post so that people can say, “Oh, poor Tara, she really had it rough.” Like I said, it’s over and done with. My reason for writing this is so that you know how crazy your hormones can go after birth. I am so thankful for my friend’s story about her postpartum depression.

Statistically, I was not a candidate for postpartum depression. They told us about it in the childbirth classes. I have heard about it from friends. I just hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with it, and figured if I did have it a little bit, I would just force myself to “get over it.” I had a fairly easy pregnancy- I know I griped about swelling and stuff like that at the end, but no real complications. Bailey’s labor and delivery was great. My physical recovery was very easy. I didn’t have pain from the stitches, I didn’t need incontinence supplies, I didn’t have pain from the epidural.

The first time I put her to breast in the hospital, she did fine. After that, she would not latch on. Well, I should say she had a very lazy latch and the nurses kept pulling her off. This was very stressful for me. I have no idea if this was the beginning of me going downhill or not. I found myself crying a lot in the hospital. I was having a lot of trouble breastfeeding, and I was exhausted. I thought I really loved Bailey, but I just wasn’t sure what to do with her. And I was overwhelmed with the responsibility. I mean, come on, I have been around tons of babies before. But my own? Whole new ballgame. I became terrified of going home. The lactation nurse helped me make a breastfeeding plan. I felt like I was begging her to give me a shred of hope, and she did that. It involved supplementing with formula. If I had to do this over again, I would not go that route, but I think it’s what helped me make it through this time.

The first day or two we were at home were pretty good. We were adjusting to having a baby. Jonathon was very supportive. Bailey was (and still is) a very good baby. She liked to sleep, and she didn’t have to be rocked to sleep. However, the second day we were at home I had a breakdown. I confessed that I wasn’t sure if we had made the right decision about having a baby. (Bailey- if you ever read this- that was just my hormones, I promise!)

When Bailey was four days old, we left her with my parents and went to a wedding. I was convinced things were going to be good and easy. It would get better, right? We were capable of leaving the baby, getting a sitter, and going out in public. This baby thing couldn’t be too hard. But things got worse from there. I dreaded seeing anyone other than Jonathon and my mom, for some reason. People from church were bringing us meals and I didn’t know what to do when they came over. I would sit for hours in Bailey’s room and cry- about stuff like what if she died when she was a teenager, what if she went away to college and didn’t need me anymore, what if she liked Jonathon better, what if she grew up too fast and started preschool and I missed her. Not very rational.

It got worse. I was not able to eat anything. Literally, food made me gag. My mom had to sit with me and force feed me with a spoon (yeah, that’s embarrassing). Even ice cream and pizza were not appealing. And let me tell you, I’ve never been one to turn down food! I spent most of the time in my room, in the dark, sleeping. At first I thought I was just tired from having a new baby, but then I realized something was Really Wrong. Whenever I thought about Bailey, I started to feel sick to my stomach. I kept telling myself that I wanted to love her, I really did… she was so cute, but I just couldn’t feel any attachment. It was really frustrating and depressing.

It got even worse. I couldn’t come out of my room. My memories of her newborn days are of me laying in bed crying. I would lay in bed and my heart would race. My mom and Jonathon and sometimes other people took care of her out in the living room. She had a lot of formula because I felt like throwing up when I had to feed her. Horrible anxiety, I think. Friends called, and I told them everything was great. I knew in my heart that I would never have another baby. I think I even told Jonathon that if he wanted another child, we were adopted a toddler. Any time Bailey cried, I ran out of my room and freaked out. I wanted to help, I didn’t know what to do, I cried, I felt like a failure as a mother. And she was such a good baby. I was unable to make decision about anything. My mind just wasn’t functioning. I felt like I was in this weird surreal haze.

I was really mental at this point. My mom gave me a bracelet with a heart on it (I’m sure some of you have seen it). I remember thinking that as long as I kept that bracelet on, I could cope. Jonathon kept trying to give Bailey bottles and letting me sleep. I was terrified, because I had wanted to breastfeed. She did not have a bath for the first two weeks of her life because I was scared to do that as well. We did not leave the house except to go to the pediatrician for her many weight checks. The pediatrician’s office made me sick to my stomach. You can tell by how pale I am in this picture that I wasn’t doing well. I was fake smiling, but I felt like a zombie.

Somewhere around two weeks old, Jonathon suggested again that we call the doctor. I did it. I remember I was crying and my hands were shaking as I talked to my OB. I kept telling her something was Really Wrong. She told me it was okay and it wasn’t my fault. She prescribed Zoloft and some anti-anxiety pills. I remember thinking that something had to get better or I couldn’t go on like this. Was I suicidal? Not sure. I don’t think I would have ever done anything like that, but I didn’t really want to live another sixty years in the dark of my bedroom.

After I started the medication, it got worse before it got better. My appetite continued to decrease. It’s amazing that I still kept on so much of that baby weight during this time I started having anxiety attacks. I remember laying in bed at night and waking up screaming. Jonathon called my mom several times to come over and help with me. Not the baby, me. I didn’t even care. I felt like when she was there, I could go on. When I was alone, I couldn’t cope. Apparently they had agreed not to leave me alone, but I didn’t know this. My mom took vacation from work to take care of me. After about a week on the Zoloft, I called my doctor and she switched me to Prozac. It’s amazing what that stuff does. I gradually got better. Within two weeks of starting that, my mom and I were going to the mall with Bailey, going out to lunch, and I felt capable of being a mother.

I stopped begging everyone to tell me it would get better. I knew it would. I am thankful that I had such good family to support me. I can’t say that I am thankful for my friends at that time, because I never told anyone what was going on until later. I didn’t want to look like a failure or like I was crazy. When Jonathon’s parents came in town, I hid in my room. I wish I could still hide from them in my room, to tell you the truth.

There are a lot of other scary parts that I did not write about here. I guess the main things I dealt with were sleeping all the time, then bouts of insomnia, then night terrors and anxiety, loss of appetite, panic attacks, feeling like a failure with Bailey, failing to bond with Bailey (or at least I felt like it even though I tried), feeling like I wanted to love her but wasn’t sure how I felt, being terrified of the baby… I just hope that anyone reading this will remember what I went through, so that if they ever experience anything like this, they will know to get help. Calling my OB was the best thing I have ever done. If you feel yourself starting to go down this road, please ask for help early on. Don’t wait to see if it gets better. Maybe it will, but this is no way to spend the first weeks of your baby’s life. I am thankful that it didn’t take longer for me to get better.

Family and Friends

Filed Under Family, Friends, Parties | 1 Comment

Uncle Bill and Aunt Shirley (the ones who I wish were Jonathon’s parents) finally met Bailey for the first time yesterday. They only live an hour away, but we’ve had a hard time coordinating our schedules. Here they are with the little muffin.


Yesterday we had a playdate at Mae’s house. Her three year old was dressing Bailey up. Here’s Bailey in her “princess costume.”


Bailey and Avie

Also last week we went to a going away party/baby shower for the Hysers. Here’s Bailey with our friend Jen… unfortunately I didn’t get any pictures of Tony and Rachel

Bailey was such a good girl. I had to do the single parent thing because Jonathon was working late. Friends held her and helped me out, but she spent a lot of time in her carseat while I ate and hung out. I felt kind of guilty, but she didn’t seem to mind.

Cutting Back

Filed Under Books, Family, Thoughts | 3 Comments

I know I have been blabbing about needing to cut back on my activities and just general business. Well I am doing that a little more seriously now. I have been reading this book called When Wallflowers Dance, by Angela Thomas (it’s actually pretty good although slightly cheesy). It’s a lot about focusing on what really matters and cutting out the junk, so that you can enjoy life and live as you were intended to. So I have cut out mystery shopping for the time being, except restaurants and other entertainment type things. I was pushing myself to do too much with that in an attempt to make some extra money. I am working harder at selling on eBay… although my mom’s friend sells on eBay and she had a problem with a spyware related issue recently and blames it on eBay. We use AVG at our house, which is a free spyware/virus thing, instead of Norton. Jonathon is all about the free stuff- like Linux and all that- but anyway now I’m way off topic. What I was saying (or at least getting ready to say) was that I want to do a few things well, instead of a bunch of things halfway decently. I will probably keep doing a little bit of blog advertising because I actually enjoy that and it isn’t very time consuming.

I think one of the reasons I keep filling my life and time with crap is that I am struggling with the issue of being “just a wife and a mom.” I need to realize that I don’t have to be everything to everyone, and it’s okay to just focus on my little family for right now. Sometimes I feel like my world is just so small lately- but I guess that’s not a bad thing. My main responsibility should be to Bailey and Jonathon and sometimes I do so much other crap that I am too overwhelmed or tired to give them what I need to.

But this is getting lengthy and tangent-y and I should probably just go to bed instead of trying to get philosophical with myself so late at night. Thanks for listening, if you even made it to this point.

Weekend Pics

Filed Under Family, Grandparents, Newborn | 3 Comments

Here are a few pictures from this weekend. We have already taken several hundred in the three short weeks she’s been alive

I think she’s going to be a blondie!

First time wearing a dress, for Great Grandpa’s birthday

With her Great Grandpa

With Grampa (my dad)