I love you so much. You are the best little boy in the whole world. Your crazy crying stage has ended and it is so fun to see the happy, easy-going baby you are becoming. You are content to sit on laps and watch the kids run circles around you. You have a huge gummy grin and bright blue eyes. Your hair has gotten a lot lighter since you were born and now is somewhere between dark blond and light brown. It’s coming in thicker in the front now but it’s still thin and soft enough that I can nuzzle my cheek against your head.

You aren’t a fan of sleeping on your own. In fact, you still sleep with mommy every night. I’ve made my peace with it and I enjoy having you close by- most of the time. You are my little snuggler, my little Fuzzle Wuzz. I know someday you will need to learn to sleep in your own bed, but I just don’t have it in me to let you cry alone in the dark. Oh and I should also mention that you HATE riding in the van after dark. You scream the entire ride. We are wondering if you hate the dark so much since you spent the first week of your life in blindingly bright NICU lights.

At your four month checkup, your doctor was very pleased with your growth. You moved from below the 5th percentile to 25% in weight (13 lbs 15 oz- if I had fed you before your checkup you would have broken the 14 lb mark!) and 10% in height- I think 23 1/2 inches but I need to double check. We talked about your milestones and at that point you were not grabbing and holding objects but now you are. You’ve developed so much just within the past week! You have great head and neck control, and during tummy time you can push up really high. She said you are a strong little guy! Since you are not showing a real interest in “people food” and you seem completely satisfied with nursing every few hours, we are going to hold off until closer to six months before introducing baby food.

Just wanted to include a few pictures from the past few weeks. I love you love you love you.

Mommy

(Yes I know this is HUGE on him but we were excited about the World Cup!)

While I look after her younger brother (who all too soon will be crawling away from me, eating random fuzz from the floor, pulling up to peek in the doors to the gym like the other babies in the waiting room) she runs off to play with her friends and climb and swing and jump. She follows after her beloved Mr. Mark and Miss Izzy and does warmups all on her own, and waits in line, and cups her hands to her ears to show that she is listening. She is just beautiful to watch.

And I am so, so aware that her babyness is completely gone now and she is a preschooler now. Not even a toddler anymore. Part of me is so proud, and the other part wants to just stop time for a while and squeeze her and close my eyes and think of her as my little baby again. This parenting stuff is hard.

I did take quite a few pictures on her graduation day. Since it was my last class to actually attend with her.

My camera wasn’t fast enough for her as she ran circles on the red mat during warm-ups!

I got lots of pictures of her showing off her skills-

Getting her medal… so proud!

My first Mother’s Day present/craft that Bailey made herself. Her Sunday School teachers put together this cute little flower craft for them to make. I almost cried when she gave it to me.

And the little girl who made me a Mommy!

Bailey is really growing up to be a beautiful little girl, both inside and out. She does have her “terrible three” moments, but she is so loving. She tells me that I’m her best girl. The other day she made a horrible mess- it was so bad that I broke down crying- and she said, “It’s okay mommy, I will wipe your tears away.” She has a heart of gold and I hate to see her hurt. Some little girls left her out the other day when they were playing and I just wanted to let one of the girls have an earful. But she said, “Thats okay, I don’t want to play with you!” and went off and played animals by herself and had a great time. She is so independent and strong and oh my gosh, so stubborn. She is also crazy info fashion now. She loves to shop online with me and help me choose custom hairbows (we order from a few different ladies- if you want websites let me know- they are fabulous!) and put together outfits on the Gymboree website. She also sees things in the store and will say “Oh mom, I really need that purse to go with my popsicles outfit!” or something similar… A girl after my own heart. Sometimes I realize how much she is a small version of me, and it makes me smile and also makes me scared of the teenage years!

My little fashionista-

Taylor is quickly becoming the sweetest little boy ever. He has a smile that could light up a room. When he sees me, his whole body gets happy. He kicks his legs, flaps his arms, grins, and makes the sweetest little sounds. He is really putting on some chub lately (he was just over 12 pounds when I weighed him yesterday!) and he has the squishiest, most wonderful little legs. His belly is round and pudgy now too. He loves to be held and to watch the big kids playing all around him. He is so bright eyed and alert- everyone comments on this, and he’s been that way since the beginning. His new fascination is the dogs on the wall hanging by his changing table. He will squeal at the dogs and wave his arms whenever he sees them. Same with his dog mobile above his crib. I am starting to enjoy his personality so much. He has gone from floppy, fun to snuggle with newborn, to a “real” baby! He has deep blue eyes like his daddy and sissy, and looks so much like Bailey did at that age. I always look forward to him waking up because I know I will be greeted with smiles!

My sweet little man-

I can’t believe how much I love you. I have always been intrigued, yet skeptical, about having a son. I wasn’t sure if I would know how to love you, how to play with you, how to be a mom to a boy. Well, I’m learning. It’s been fun so far. I apologize if at some point in the future you have to teach me about cars and trains and tools and all that stuff. Your daddy will be better at the boy things. But I am just amazed at how completely different you are from your sister, and how I love you just as much in different ways.

I am a different mom to you than I am to your sister. You have been a much “needier” baby. You don’t like having a dirty diaper, whereas she never cared (and still doesn’t). You like to be held, you sleep in my bed, you love to be around people all the time and you are happiest when there is a lot going on and you can just sit and watch. You are definitely a lover, and you are outgrowing your constant fussiness and turning into a very pleasant and sweet baby. I can make faces now and get smiles from you a lot more easily. You look for me when you hear my voice, and you watch me when I’m across the room. You’re now doing tummy time a little better and you are close to rolling from your back to front!

You still hold your right hand up next to your ear most of the time. You have the deepest blue eyes. You take Mylanta every eight hours for your tummy. You are starting to get snug in some of your 0-3 outfits. You wear Size 1 diapers and have just entered the blowout stage. Pampers are not our friend. Your hair is growing in a little fluffier, but it’s still in a big patch on the top of your head for the most part. You have been sleeping in your swing at naptime for the last week or so. You like to have the tv on in the background so that it’s not too quiet. You went to the zoo for the third time today and loved riding in you stroller and looking up at me. You are just a joy for me and I am so thankful for you. I can’t wait to see what the future holds! I love you, my little Fuzzy Wuzzy.

Love, Mommy

Something about breastfeeding makes me feel capable as a mother. I am completely providing for my child. I am his sole source of nourishment and comfort at this point in his life. Maybe that’s not fair to my husband, maybe it doesn’t matter. It will be such a short time that I can do this for him, in the grand scheme of things. He is six weeks old. Several months from now, he will be eating baby food and I might not be the center of his universe anymore.

With Bailey, I always had supply issues. She was a “lazy” eater and she tired easily, and we got into a pattern of supplementing with formula. We were never able to break that pattern. With Taylor, he had a few formula bottles in the NICU overnight when I couldn’t be there with him. Since he’s been home, he has had nothing but breastmilk. He takes bottles like a champ, so I still have the flexibility to leave him. I do better with pumping this time too. I have actually found a manual pump that works better for me than my expensive double electric one! We have a freezer full of milk, and I have to say I am proud of both of us.

The distraught look on his face is because I put him down to take a picture… oh the injustice…

Taylor is such a good baby. He just likes to be held ALL THE TIME. Some people say to quit “spoiling” him, but honestly he has no idea what spoiled means. He is not “manipulating” me. He wants to be loved and to feel secure. I am not going to deny my child of that. He has been through a lot. Maybe I appreciate him more because of what we went through. Maybe I am making up for all the snuggles we couldn’t have during the first week. Yes, I do get tired of holding him. But I will not just let him scream as he sits by himself in a bouncy seat. His little chin quivers and he wails and then when he finds me back with his eyes, and he hears my voice, he calms down. It’s nice to be able to make someone so happy with just my presence.

We are having a rough time with sleeping. He does not like to lay flat in his own bed, alone, to sleep. He sleeps in three places: His swing (thanks again Kelli!), his bouncy seat, or in bed next to me. I am not a huge fan of cosleeping, honestly. I would rather not have someone nipping at me and rooting around all night. But if it means that I can actually be somewhat relaxing and somewhat resting, it’s worth it. Unfortunately, Jonathon is sleeping in the living room in the meantime because he is afraid of smushing the baby.

Bailey is still doing MOSTLY very well with him. She does have her jealous/mean moments though. For example, she figured out that she can push his bouncy seat down, and it will pop back up and make his head flop around. Lovely. I have been trying to give her extra grace and extra love, but she has also been having a lot of time outs because there are certain lines that we won’t let her cross. Overall, though, she really loves him and wants to constantly hug and kiss on him. The biggest problem is usually that she won’t leave him alone!

Here are a few pictures from those first few days.

When I went in the NICU they told me that they were getting ready to move Taylor off the CPAP because he was doing better! That was great news. He had been wearing a hat to hold the tube in place, so he got the hat off. I was finally able to rub his fuzzy little head! At this point he was on high humidity oxygen instead. Oh, you don’t know how good it is to feel your baby’s head until you haven’t been able to.

I was also SO jealous of the moms who had babies in the regular nursery who weren’t even holding them. It really made me mad to see those cribs parked in the nursery. Some of them even had signs “only feed every three hours” or “no pacifier please.” I just wanted to scream at those moms and say, “You can hold your child whenever you want to! Don’t be so selfish!” but yet when Bailey was in the regular nursery I know I left her there so I could nap, etc. Funny how perspective changes.

Jonathon came up after lunch and we went back down together to see Taylor. At this point he still did not want to hold him. I think honestly he was intimidated by all the tubes and wires. He kept saying that it was more important for me to hold him but I think that was an excuse. Up until this point I had also been pumping at least every three hours all day and night. I think when you can’t be with your baby it feels like the only thing you can do to help… By that evening his nurse told me she thought he was ready to try a bottle feeding. They knew I planned to breastfeed but they said we had to start trying with the bottle first. He had been too sick to nurse after his birth (although we didn’t know then why he wouldn’t). So his first feeding was at about 34 hours old. They used a syringe to put pumped milk into just the nipple of a bottle and we got to hold it in his mouth. He drank it right away and we were so happy. They had warned us that a lot of preemies (they were calling him a “late preemie” since he was born between 34-37 weeks, although he was also technically full term but exhibited a lot of preemie characteristics…) can’t coordinate their sucking and swallowing yet so this was great news.

Saturday was the day I was supposed to go home. My day nurse was awesome, though. She told me first that I could stay through dinner and then came back later to tell me she had arranged for me to be discharged after dinner but keep my room for another day.

Sometime early afternoon on Saturday, Taylor got off his oxygen and moved to forced room air. Then later that day he got taken off that too! This was my first glimpse of him without his nasal cannula. I kept saying, “He looks like a regular baby now!”

His poor little face was so sore from all the tape, though.

Jonathon finally held him for the first time since he was admitted to the NICU!

That evening, Jonathon brought Bailey up for a visit. Our nurse Kathy did a great job hiding all his wires and everything inside the blankets. I didn’t know if she would be concerned or even notice them but we didn’t want him to look “sick.”

She also enjoyed playing “This Little Piggy” with his toes… so cute…

That evening, my parents came up to visit. I brought my mom in to see him and the nurse surprised me by asking if I wanted to try nursing! He did great. I couldn’t believe it, he latched on correctly with the first try and just ate. So unlike his sissy, who took DAYS to figure out how to eat. It was so frustrating with her… so easy with him.

Last night I went in her room after she was asleep (I do this probably once or twice a week) and picked her up out of her bed. This time, I had to take her into the baby’s room to sit in the glider, since it has been replaced by a beanbag chair in her “big girl room.” Already the little signs of her growing up… as I sat there and held her and smelled her hair, I was thinking about how not too long ago she fit curled up against my chest. Now she is so long, and her feet hang down off my lap. Her long hair was tickling the back of my neck, instead of just the baby fuzz I used to rub my face in. Her eyelids are still almost transparent, but I’m sure one day I will blink and she’ll be ready to put eyeshadow on. Her face is so calm when she sleeps. I sat there listening to her breathe and thanking God for her. And I just let myself enjoy that moment, instead of wondering what would be next.

I can’t believe you are 34 months old. Almost three years… plus the nine+ months that you were inside me. I can’t even imagine my life without you. You just seem such a part of me, a part of our family. You are the most beautiful child I have ever seen.

Your creative side is really coming out lately. You have a love for performing and pretending. You still love to play Little People and to play Princesses with your new castle. But you also like to assign me roles to act out (and you tell me exactly what to do so there is no confusion!) You also spin and twirl while talking, and take frequent bows at the end of sentences or announcements. You like to curtsy, which we really need to get on video. You talk about what you are going to be when you grow up- either a doctor or a rock star, depending on the day. You recently told us that you were going to be a firefighter (“fighter-fighter”) and that daddy would be your fire dog! You are often heard saying things like, “Oh my goodness, I’m never gonna finish this!” or “Oh dear, I just can’t believe it.” I laugh at the little phrases you’ve picked up from us and from the television.

You are starting to have an interest in potty training. Some days. On occasion you wear underwear and try to go on the potty. You understand now whether you are wet or dry. It really just depends on your mood, but I have learned there is no sense in pushing you. If I push, you shut down and refuse to cooperate. This morning you told me you wanted to wear diapers just like Baby _____ ____. (Your brother, whose name has not yet been shared with the internet).

Speaking of your brother- you love him and you are so excited to meet him. I am still a little nervous of how it will be once reality sets in. But you like to talk to him, kiss my belly, and put stickers on my belly to share with him. You will tell anyone that you are a big sister, and what his name is, and that he is growing in mommy’s tummy. We have explained that when he is ready to come out, mommy and daddy will go to the Baby Hospital and the Baby Doctor will help take him out. Then you can come see him. You seem really satisfied with that explanation. You’ve been to quite a few doctor appointments with me and heard the heartbeat and gotten lollipops for sitting in the chair. You haven’t tried to touch anything gross (ahem, pap smear wands) in a long time, thank goodness!

Your vocabulary amazes me. You are really easy to understand- we get lots of comments about how clearly you speak. And the things you say! Long sentences that flow together really well, for the most part. Occasionally you mix up a past-tense or a she/her/pronoun. Just last night- “Daddy, today at gymnastics Mr. Mark gave me a medal. He gave it to me because I obeyed in my class.” Gymnastics is your favorite thing to do right now. Just yesterday you did a forward roll on the balance beam WITHOUT mommy holding on to you. I was there spotting you but your balance is SO good. You can also reach out and grab the rings and swing on your own, and hold the bar and walk your feet up the wall before I help you do a pullover. Next week starts the new semester and you will be in the next class up/next age group, and your teacher thinks that will challenge you a little more both with skills and with listening/following the teacher.

We are still trying to get your asthma under control. That has been our biggest struggle this fall and winter. You are now on a daily preventative medication (through your nebulizer) and you take allergy medicine. You have a nasal spray for when you need it, and also an as-needed inhaled medication. It’s a lot, but it seems to be working. I am hoping the days of throwing up from coughing are behind us…

You are such a joy. We have just two months left before your brother arrives. Maybe less. I want to make the absolute most of these two months. I can’t believe it is almost the end of our uninterrupted time together. I know once he’s here, he won’t seem like an interruption. But for now I can’t imagine anyone else being part of our perfect little world. I love you more than you can imagine, Bailey Sophia.

Mommy

I feel like I have finally settled into a good place with a lot of my friendships. Sure, I wish I had more time. I wish I had that one really close friend. (If you didn’t know, my closest friend since college graduation recently moved to another state and our contact is much much less than I would like… but I will be standing up in her wedding in several weeks and hopefully once that busy-ness is behind us we can work on carving out a new track for our friendship). I have been making an effort to catch up with the people I care about most and honestly have let some other relationships slide. It was time to do that. I don’t have time for everything, as much as I wish I did. And in two months, I will have a new breastfeeding baby who needs mommy time much more than my feisty and independent almost-three-year-old does. Or at least on a different level. On an Oh My God I Can’t Leave This Child level.

This week has been so busy/will be so busy on the social front, but I am really filling an important part of my life right now. I feel like I need to connect with these ladies before we drift too far apart. And apparently I feel the need to ramble about it on my blog.

In the past week or so I have gotten to spend some quality time with Jen and Renee. Yesterday Emily and Ella came over to play. They really reassure me that I will survive with two children and that I will, in fact, love my second child just as much as Bailey. Today we had a playdate with Kim and Mackenzie. Where Bailey was not exactly on her best behavior… sorry Kim… On Friday we are getting together with Casey and Addison, which I am really looking forward to. It has been way too long since we’ve hung out. We used to see each other at least once a week and that’s a friendship I regret letting slide as much as it has. Then over the weekend we get to have dinner with Sarah and her hubby and cute little girl Claire. These people are all so important to me and I am glad that I am taking the time and energy to be with them. It’s also way too easy to be a lazy pregnant woman, not make plans, and sit home and feel lonely and bored. I need to stay out of that funk because I will have plenty of time at home after the baby is born!

Anyway. I will be 23 weeks as of this weekend. The time is flying by so fast. I am more than halfway there. We have the bedding and most of the room decor stuff, thanks to a great sale and my mom spotting it for me! We have moved the crib and changing table into my office but haven’t really moved any office stuff out yet. I am dreading having my office downstairs with Jonathon’s because I won’t be able to just run in and out to check email etc all the time. We need to get the downstairs set up as more of a playroom for the kids.

I am feeling REALLY good right now. At about 20 weeks my heartburn was horrible but it has actually subsided a bit. Or maybe I am being more careful about what I eat. It only comes in the evening and is usually fixable with a Tums or two at this point. I had a few days of swelling back in mid October and had to put my feet up, but I haven’t swelled at all lately either. I feel this baby move a lot. That is definitely my favorite part of pregnancy. It seems like every time I eat something he wakes up and kicks around. Jonathon says that’s because boys love to eat! Speaking of Jonathon, he has started to take a slight interest in patting or kissing my belly every once in a while. Okay like maybe once a week, but it’s really sweet! Neither of us really talk to the baby at all. We didn’t with Bailey either… to me it just feels awkward.

Every time anyone asks me how I feel I tell them I am GREAT! If this was the only part of pregnancy and I could skip the sickness in the beginning, the first trimester worry, and the feeling huge/swollen/uncomfortable at the end I think I wouldn’t mind being pregnant twenty times. I also have more energy right now than I did even a few weeks ago. It’s hard to believe that in three or four weeks I will be in the third trimester. I guess that means I should hurry up and get some things done now, before my energy dwindles again.

Some fun news- we THINK we have a name for Baby Boy. We are both pretty much decided on it but it’s not officially official yet. I’m not sure whether I will share this one or wait and surprise you all. The idea of a surprise seems kind of exciting. Our family and good friends will know but maybe not the internet, at least not yet. And since we just started working on the nursery, here’s a little glimpse:

Happy “half birthday” little sweetie! You are the love of my life. You have a strong little personality (hmmm just like your mommy!) and you are so smart and funny. You are becoming more affectionate and even more independent! You love going to your classes at the early childhood center and at The Little Gym. You are very brave at gymnastics but you always want to do everything by yourself. You know now that we are getting a baby brother at our house. Sometimes you are excited about this, and sometimes you don’t want to talk about it. I am trying to follow your lead and not make too big of a deal about it.

Two weeks ago you had your first ambulance ride. You tripped and fell into the kitchen doorway. Your forehead split open and you ended up getting glued back together at the hospital. You still talk about it, and how you don’t want to bump your head. You say “I rided in the ambalance” and will tell anyone your hospital story. You still won’t let us peel what’s left of the bandage off. I keep telling you that I am cutting your hair and clipping little parts off since you don’t want anyone to touch it.

In the last few months we have started calling you “Bugle Bug” and you laugh at all your nicknames. If we ask “Where is Muffie?” You say “Right here, Mommy!” If I make a comment like “I’m cold” you say “You’re not cold, you’re Mommy!” and you laugh. You have also started interrupting when I am talking to Daddy, and saying “Mommy stop talking to Daddy!” and waving your hand at us. We are trying to correct your behavior and manners but sometimes it’s so hard not to smile. Today you had the biggest fit EVER when it was time to get dressed. You were saying “No take off my pants Mommy!” and kicking and it took everything I had to wrestle you into your clothes. Age two can be quite a challenge for both of us. Fortunately you have more sunshiney moments than difficult ones!

You still amaze us with your vocabulary and your counting and letter skills. You know the sound each letter makes, thanks to your Leapfrog Letter Factory video. You love to learn and figure out new concepts. You also- just like your Daddy- love to watch tv. Your current favorites are Franny’s Feet, SuperWhy, and Barney. You are kind of over Elmo (sad, but I don’t miss it… yet…) and you hate Dragon Tales- which for some reason you call Dinosaur Train. If it comes on you freak out and find me to change the channel. “No no I don’t like Dinosaur Train! Turn it off Mommy, I don’t like to watch it!” I have banned your father from watching the news when you are in the room because you are just way too observant and you also get scared easily.

Your new favorite food is crackers with peanut butter. You still love cottage cheese and fruit snacks, of course. We are learning about healthy foods vs. junk snacks at our house so that you can start making good food choices. With my help, of course. You can tell us “Junk snacks don’t give my body energy. I need energy!” You also have a love for orange juice, which definitely did NOT come from me. I still water it down a lot and you only get one glass a day.

I love having a “helper” when I deliver my Avon, put the laundry in the dryer, and clean up toys. You love to help me and you love to clean. I guess you didn’t get that from me, either. You have a very loving personality. You always want to share your snacks and treats. Just today you offered me your last fruit snack that you spent forever digging out of the package. You like to do “noses” at bedtime (Eskimo kisses, I think is what it’s called) and to pray before you go to sleep. Last night you thanked God for all your family and friends by name, and then for your lunch, your animal game, and your class. So sweet!

Speaking of class, here is a picture of you today at your music class. On your actual half birthday… You are now closer to three and I can’t believe you are growing up so fast! I love you so much. You are the baby who made me a mommy, you are the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen, and you hold my heart in your hand.

Love, Mommy

Here she is in her new Mother’s Day outfit. She always wears a new dress for a special occasion before it goes into the clothing cycle. I know I am weird about her clothes but I love dressing up my little girl!

My mom and my grandma… yes they are wearing the same shirt in different colors… not planned that way. I love them both and I am so blessed to live so close to both of them.

This was our dessert. I thought it was such a cute idea. Little votive holders for flower pots, chocolate ice cream, and silk flowers. Very simple but it was fun for something different. My mom is always crafty and comes up with neat food ideas. She used to sell Pampered Chef back when it was first popular (like early 90s maybe).

Bailey and Daddy They surprised me with a sweet card that they made together, and breakfast in bed on Sunday morning. I even got to sleep in late! And for dinner I was surprised again- with stuffed crust pizza and cinnamon sticks! My favorite. My gift is, um, still being decided upon. Don’t ask, it wasn’t worth the fight.

Silly monkey face girl! I love her!

Today I:

-Washed the cloth diapers, dried the inserts and prefolds, hung the covers to dry
-Started a second load of laundry
-Put almost a full basket of laundry away (Bailey helped me- she tried to put every item in her pajama drawer but it was so sweet that she wanted to help. She finally at least learned where to put socks. I should probably have her help more often. She loved it so much!)
-Put about 10 eBay packages out for the mail… only about 100 to go I think!
-Cleaned the kitchen, mostly
-Unloaded the dishwasher
-Took the trash and recycle down to the garage, where I found that my husband STILL has not brought our trashcan in from last Friday. Now that’s classy.
-Made plans for Thursday with my friend Casey and her daughter Addison

And more importantly, I:

-Kissed Bailey’s soft, puffy, wonderful cheeks at least 25 times
-Held her on my lap to read stories
-Taught her how to put her socks in the sock drawer and how to put dirty clothes in the basket- and had fun doing it!
-Ate Alpha-Bits cereal while sitting on the kitchen floor with Bailey and feeding each other the letters
-Changed three diapers
-Attempted to make a healthy lunch for my daughter (at least she ate the yogurt and banana)
-Got lots of hugs without even asking for them
-Danced to the intro on a new Dora video, several times

Some people think that once you “give up your career” and stay home, you become “just a mom.” I have had feelings from time to time, like all I have is my daughter and my life revolves around her. At times, that has made me feel inadequate or like I am not doing enough. But looking back at my day of accomplishments, I realize again that there is nothing I would rather be doing. There is nothing more important than taking care of my daughter, raising her myself, being with her to give her all those hugs and build her self-confidence, and enjoy the little things with her.

I can’t believe you are almost two years old. I have already booked your birthday party! Yes, you are having a big party with all of your friends. I have been told that’s silly but I just want you to be happy. I know you will have so much fun. Especially when you find out that we get to sing and dance and do parachute time at your party!

You have grown up so much just within the last month. You continue to come up with new two and three word phrases. You are a good problem solver. You are now obsessed with letters and numbers. You want to learn letters and match them and make the sounds. I don’t think it makes much sense to you yet, but you love it all anyway. I hope you continue to have that love for letters and words. You are one of the most well-mannered toddlers I have seen. You insist on saying please and thank you for everything! You even thank me for things like putting your pajamas on. It makes my heart smile to think about it. You have such a sweet and kind and loving spirit. You are also so active and I like to say that you are part pogo stick. You bounce and jump and never stop. Even when you get in bed, some nights it takes an hour of you laying there before you fall asleep. But you never complain, you just lay in bed and play quietly.

It still drives me crazy that you are such a picky eater. Your favorite food is a Big Bird Bar (still) which you call a “Bee Barn” and ask for at least five fifty times a day. The only meat you will eat is chicken. In the form of nuggets. Although last week you surprised us and ate tacos one night. Crunchy tacos with ONLY meat and cheese. You also like yogurt, cheese, bananas, and any sort of baby food fruit. We tell you it’s applesauce.

You are still my entire world. I don’t know how I lived without you until you came into my life. I spend so much time thinking about you, praying for you, doing things that I think will make you happy. Including obsessing over Gymboree clothes for you! I just want you to have it all but somehow not have that attitude. I’m sure that will be a line I always struggle to stay on top of, without falling to one side or the other. Just know that I woul do anything for you.

Love, Mommy

* 22 months, from Kiddie Kandids (scanned in on my once-again-dirty scanner)

Last week our new division manager came in town. She came to my house with MY district manager for a meeting. Then after that, we went and had another meeting at a restaurant, so we ended up spending about four hours together. I felt like I got to know both of them a lot better and I am more comfortable asking my manager for help with different things. I also think she sees how hard I am working now… or at least I hope she does! I set a few new goals for myself, one of which I have ALMOST met and one of which I need to reach by February-ish.

I guess I am starting to see this as more of a career and not just a little side job. Not that it can be a full-time career right now (because I want to be a SAHM still and have my focus on Bailey) but I can develop it into a career for when the kids are in school. I like seeing potential in something since I struggle with feeling like “just a mom” some days. And I want Bailey to see me working hard toward something and making accomplishments, even if it is not in a 9 to 5 type job.