My brain is drained

Filed Under Diapers/Potty, Difficult Stuff, Into Everything, Sleep, Slinging, Three Years Old, Two Months- Taylor | 2 Comments

I feel like I need to tell you why I haven’t really been blogging– just posting pictures with a few captions here and there. It’s because when I finally get to sit down, I usually don’t have both hands free. And I get sick of typing with one hand. My brain is tired, but I’ve been getting enough sleep. (Shocking, right? I really have though). My brain is tired because of what happens during my awake hours.

I have a very feisty three-year-old who flat out refuses to go potty. We actually attempted potty training last week, as recommended by our pediatrician. It basically resulted in my child peeing everywhere but the toilet, mostly on purpose, throwing wet undies, and telling me she was NOT going to go potty. In her words, “It’s just for other girls.” Can we say strong willed? We have also had a few incidents involving spitting, kicking, squeezing her brother’s face, and just general disobedience. Oh, and let’s not forget that she dumped the entire thing of fish food into the aquarium, clogging the filter and requiring and emergency evacuation from the tank. Because I had nothing better to do that afternoon. When we were at the store she grabbed a barcode scanner and tried to play “store lady.” She has also recently climbed onto the countertop and played with the dish soap and colored with a sharpie, as pictured here.

Taylor likes to be held all.the.time… he is starting to like other people besides just me, so that is refreshing. Although I’m still his favorite (and I secretly hope I always am!) but he is just a much needier baby than Bailey was. He wants constant comforting and bouncing and eye contact. Until last week he was almost inconsolable unless he was nursing. We finally figured out that he was actually uncomfortable and not just being a pain. Yes it took me nine weeks to realize that, and yes I feel guilty. So he started on Mylanta last week and it has made a world of difference. He still wants to be held but at least he is pleasant while being held and not screaming or fussing. But basically I have a constant companion. He nurses anywhere from every two to three hours during the day, but more like every hour in the evening. He’s cute though, isn’t he?

A few days ago it was SO bad though. Bailey was screaming, he was screaming, the house was trashed… I sat down in the kitchen and cried and called my mom. She came and rescued me and it was wonderful- but sometimes I feel like I am not cut out to be a mom. I just honestly suck at it sometimes. I love my kids like crazy but between the two of them it’s just exhausting emotionally.

At night, he sleeps with me so I have no idea how often he nurses. Honestly, we go to bed and get up eight hours later. Sometime during the night I know that he eats, and we flip over so he can eat on the other side as well. I know sometimes he goes longer than others because sometimes I leak and other times I don’t. But I think it’s all subconscious for both of us- it’s just like an instinct. I know that sometimes I feel his feet starting to move next to me and then I snuggle up next to him so he can eat and then we are both back asleep before I know it. Eight weeks ago, this was making me crazy. I had never planned to co sleep. But we get such good sleep, and I can function normally during the day. Someday I will worry about getting him into his own bed. (Yes, he does sleep there on occasion for an hour or so). It’s amazing how I am such a different mother with him, because he is such a different child.

All this to say, when I have my hands free, it is probably my only free half hour in a 24 hour period. Or Jonathon is holding Taylor so I can get something ready to ship, or I am making dinner. Taylor likes the Baby Bjorn but it’s not practical to have him in there all day. The sling makes me crazy after a while. But this is our life for now. I’m happy, just drained and so blogging is last on my list if it involves thinking.

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